I am posting for the first time, so pls forgive if it is not up to par.
A little history on us. I am 34, W is 33, married for 7 years, together for 8. We have 3 children.
So here goes.
My w seems to be getting farther away from me, emotionally, sexually, and she has definitely lost her closeness to me.
I work 3 12 hr. shift per week ( S-M-T), she works M-F 8 hrs / day. We don't see too much of each other except for night time (bed time). 90% of the time she says she is too tired to make love. When I come home from a 12 hr shift and crawl into bed, all I get from her if I am lucky is a peck on the cheek, then she simply turns her back to me and goes to sleep.???? When I do ask her to make love, she either says no, too tired, or is that all you think about?!
I belive she is interested in her friend's husband. (Who also drives her to work and home 2 days per week when I am at work.) Anytime he is around, she has this glow on her, drives me nuts. She has no problem doing things with him, and I know when she is with him, she is just glowing. What do I do? I am also friend's with him (running partners), well used to be after tonight, cause I've decided to not hang with them/him anymore.
Does anybody have any suggestions? Is this worth going through all this or what? Tonight I was going to work after wew argued about it, and she told me not to come back!
Confused, please help.

Thanks <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am not here to give you advice since I am in similar situation. If I fix mine before you fix yours I'll let you know how I did it. In the mean time hang in there and keep reading.

I wish I had the magic answer for both of us. First thing I need to do is to get her to talk to me. Once that happens I know I can get her back.

Good luck.
As always not-ready-to-give-up

Lostcanuck (and Notreadytogiveup): So sorry to hear of your pain.

LC: It sounds like your instincts are telling you what is really going on. I would suggest you approach your wife with honesty--tell her your feelings, your concern, why you want your M to work, why you love her.

I don't know if you can put a stop to her travel arrangements with "Buddy" (just had to employ some Canadian humour since I'm one, too!) but it would be a good idea to put your foot down on that one.

I am a FWS (former Wayward Spouse) and my A began due to an inappropriate "friendship"--not exactly the same but similar dynamics to your wife's setup with "Buddy." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> People let me away with it and never confronted me. It sounds like you have confronted her and she is not ready to tell the truth. So, my thought is that you let her know that you are the one who wants to be her first choice and to whom she made marriage vows--I don't know how you can do that in a loving way but I would recommend not arguing with her if possible.

There are wonderful people here who will give you great advice. Sift through what works for you and keep posting. It helps to have somewhere to vent.

Kudos to you for cutting off this man--no use pretending to be friends with someone who could potentially ruin your marriage. The important thing is to win back your wife as your best friend.

Hoping it all works out.

Thanks to those who responded!
Well, since my posting, I have tried to resolve this with my W, and asked her what she would like to see happen. She said she just wants me to believe she is not haviing an affair with him. I replied with, OK, why do you still keep glowing when you see him, and you do not WANT to make love to me. There is a difference withWanting to make love to me, and only doing it to shut me up. Also, she never touches me, just the usual hug, and a peck before we go to bed(if I am lucky). She tells me she is not a touchy feely kind of person, I said, since when? This summer? So now she thinks I am not willing to work this out. She does not want to go on like this. So I am thinking it is hopeless and maybe divorce is the best way. Any suggestions?

Thanks again.

I went through a period in my marriage where I was very distant and did not wish to sleep with my H however I was not having an A. I would suggest you invest some time in your marriage and take your W on a trip just the two of you to somewhere. Doesn't have to be expensive but let her know your willing to invest your time. Wash the dishes for her, play in the yard sat. morning with the kids, plan a picnic on sun., start an exercise program with her. If you want your wife don't allow her to see in another man what she would love to see in you. Find out what she feels is missing and fill that need. divorce is a terrible place to be believe me it is hell on earth. It doesn't solve anything.

I agree with depwo--don't make any rash decisions just yet.

Have you considered there might be underlying issues--perhaps her need for conversation or affection (touch without expectation of sex) or a sense of you helping around the house (just an example--not implying anything!) is not being met and it's creating problems in other areas of your R.

Just a thought. Hang on to hope for now.