My husband and I both are 27 yrs old and have been married for almost seven years. We have a six year old son who absolutely adores his Dad. In June of this year he decided that he didnt want to do it anymore and we separated. During that time he would tell me he loves me and misses me. While I purchased a home and moved to GA, he has been staying in another state during this time (yes I do know it's his male friend) and this friend has LOTS of "girlfriends." I have asked him, begged him, and cried for him to come home, and at first he was telling me he was coming home and all of that. But hasn't yet!! He tells me hes not seeing anyone else(I do NOT believe him) but yet hes telling me he wants to be free and doesnt want to be in a committed relationship with anyone. He calls often to speak to his son. I am soooooooo stressed out. At first I was calling him ALL of the time, listening to his msgs on his cell phone ( i had the code)and calling his friends so they could talk to him then he told me that I appear weak when I keep crying to him. Now in the past week, I feel good. I haven't called him or anything or even had the desire to, but I REALLY want him back. He has cheated once before, but otherwise is pretty good to me. I was also very very jealous and constantly questioned him about his whereabouts, calling all the time while hes out. Did I push him away? I am the only child, and my Mom just passed away. Is he feeling resentful? what could be going on. He had the nerve to tell me to let him chase me, as if we're teenagers. I asked him does he want a divorce, and he said "maybe that's the best thing." Then, the next morning he called my friend and told her that he doesnt want a divorce and does want to work it out, but that I want to know exactly when its going to happen and that he can't tell me when. But when he speaks to me he tells me he doesnt want to work it out. I'm dying inside, my son wants his Dad, I want my husband. I have lost ALOT of weight due to this, I am sooo depressed.

I'm really surprised no one has addressed this yet. You know what, you sound a lot like me. You sound very insecure. I've been married for 5 years, and we have a son from this marriage (he's 4), and a girl from a previous relationship. I'm 30, my husband's 29. I can tell you what I think is one of the problems. You guys got married too young. I know you've heard this before. At 20, no man knows what he wants, and he is definitely not prepared for marriage. Sex can be blinding, and make you feel you're so much in love. But once that bliss fades, you're forced to deal with this other person, and you start to realize you don't really want to be committed. Your husband was a BABY when you got married. He may be a good provider and all that, but TRUST me on this. He was a baby then, and he's STILL a baby. My husband is GREAT with money, goes to work everyday, pays his bills and all, but he doesn't yet know how to be a real husband or father. He still wants to hang out with the guys and not be restricted. When you start trying to tell them how they should be acting, they start feeling trapped, because they're immature and can't deal with it. I know you don't want to hear this, but stop begging your husband. It is so obvious he doesn't want to be there, at least not right now. Give him the so called space he needs. I'm sure he loves you, but he's feeling trapped. Let him be the one to call. Let him come back on his own. He knows you're there, and he knows you want him back. I have made this same mistake. I always the one to break the ice when we argue, always the one to say I'm sorry, even though I may not be wrong, and always the one to chase after him if he walks away from me. We have got to stop this behavior, girl. You're right. They do think we're weak when we act like this. I know it's hard, we love 'em, and want to let them know. Well, it's high time THEY started letting us know for a change. Men make me SICK. My husband and I are going through some things now. I swear, it feels like we've been married for 50 years.

If he is any type of man, he will come back. You have a SON together, and that child will absolutely HATE his father if he stays gone too long. Just try and work on your shortcomings. That's all you can do. You can't change hubby, he can only change if he wants. Try not to pressure. That may bring him back sooner. And please. Try not to be depressed. I've been there. I've been on anti-depressants in the past, I developed a gambling addiction..all due to marital issues. You will kill yourself over your husband, and it's not worth it. Think about your son. What would he do if he didn't have Mommy. Your man is NOT the center of your world. Keep telling yourself that, and I'll try to do the same.

Welcome to MB, ladies.

It sounds like LuvHazelEyes-you should read up on Plan A. I am not an expert in that but there is awesome material here. AND LOTS of people working Plan A/Plan B who will help you, too.

All the best to you. BUMPING this for the people with the technical skills to provide links to the newcomer info! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Do not beg him. It sounds like he is the one calling the shots and he knows this. If you can prove to him that you can live with out him he may start thinking about coming back. I have been in this mans shoes before. I called all the shots. But once I lost the control I wanted her back. I couldnt fathom that she could actually go on life with out me. When he calls to talk to his child be nice to him but do not ask any questions. Its like the saying goes, " Dont know what youve got till its gone". And if he begins to think he may have lost you I would bet he will want to come home. This is very hard to do so be strong. He has a lot to loose and a lot to come back home to. Good luck and be strong.

Thank you for responding, Lost <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I haven't been calling as often. I've once in the past 2 weeks. I was calling before EVERY SINGLE DAY. However he is calling much more often "to speak with our son." We had one long conversation the day b4 yesterday, but nothing regarding us AT ALL. I'm beginning to feel like he just wants to be friends, and that hurts like hell. When I hear his voice his voice there is still something inside of me that's hoping he'll come around, but I am learning to deal with a lil bit better. I had written my post awhile before I posted it, so I'm just updating the recent occurences. I don't want to just be friends. I don't even know how to begin Plan A. Someone please help me on this. I've basically been doing Plan B I think. I don't call and when he does I am usually very calm and reserved, but at the same time I don't even know if he's with someone. I have asked that a thousand times and he keeps telling me no, so I don't know what to do. I am somewhat depressed over this, maybe more than I'm willing to admit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do not beg him. It sounds like he is the one calling the shots and he knows this. If you can prove to him that you can live with out him he may start thinking about coming back. I have been in this mans shoes before. I called all the shots. But once I lost the control I wanted her back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanx ep, [I was posting my last msg while u were typing your post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ]Great advice-esp being that you were once in the same mindframe he's in right now. Can ya ans a couple of questions though? How will I know if he's even THINKING about coming back if he seems to be treating me like a chum and the fact that it has already been 3 mos? What if he's really seeing someone is it possible he will still want to come back? The "not calling" thing is driving me nuts, BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And how can I show him I've moved on, without really moving on and making him realize what he's missing?

Bumping Luv's post--experts on Plan A, please come in! Thanks!

I dont have all the answers thats for sure. I think for him to truly believe you haved moved on you must truly move on. Thats probably hard to swallow right now but I believe it is necessary. If I were to guess I bet he can still tell how much you still hurt over this in the sound of your voice. When someone moves on with their life the other person can sense this. That is when they start to really do some thinking about what they want. At least I did. By moving on I dont mean for you to go get the divorce papers or things like this. Moving on means enjoying life again, not worrying so much, and not letting this problem rule your life. Try to be with friends more often. Get involved with clubs or any activity that keeps your mind off of whats bothering you. It is very possible for him to want to come back even if he is seeing someone else. He is probably thinking why come back now. I can come back whenever I want. Thats how I felt anyway. And if he is seeing someone else he feels like he has the best of both worlds. He is having his cake and ice cream. All of this stuff takes time though. Obviously everything that you have told him has not made him come back home yet. So why not give this a shot? You will know if he is thinking about coming home. I believe if he starts thinking of coming home he will begin to ask you all the questions. Also he told your friend that he did not want a divorce right? But he told you that a divorce might be the best thing. Now why would a person say that? Only one reason I can think of and that is to see what your reaction to that would be. To see if he still has you where he wants you. I may be wrong about all of this but from my experience this was how I felt. I am not an expert and I dont claim to be. I am just going by my experiences.

Thanx ep. You're right that is EXTREMELY hard for me to swallow when all I can think about is how much I want to be with him. I am sooo devastated. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> He hasn't seen my son in a month and a half. He won't be honest and tell me if he's seeing anyone. I BELIEVE he's prob involved with someone who doesn't even know he's married, being that he's in another state. I LOVE THIS MAN AND VERY AFRAID HE WILL FALL IN LOVE DURING THIS SEPARATION TIME. However, I will try to follow your advice and live my life with the little bit of sanity I have left. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />