i've been married over 20 years to my husband we both work at a correctional facility and we work with males and female officers just this last april i got wind from the rumor mill that my husband had been talking to a certain female officer about 35 years old and giving advice to her in reference to an extra-marital affair she had with another male officer, the certain female has a very bad reputation with men and has a drinking, party type personality she has had very bad experiences with other men besides her affair she just had. my husband one night told me that he told her that it sounds like to him that the "guy wants his cake and eat it to", they talked about the guy's wife in which he went back with her, but i got very upset with him i told him not to get involved with these people's problems and when i told him this even before i found out what they were talking about he told me "DO YOU KNOW HER?" "HAVE YOU WORKED WITH HER?" and i asked him if he liked her which he stated YES SHE'S A GOOD OFFICER" it has now come out in the rumor mill that my husband is the one interested in her and just a mess. I wish he had only listened to me about not talking personal problems but he didn't. I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND WHY HE BECAME DEFENSIVE TOWARDS HER TO ME THIS HAS GOT ME THROWN FOR A LOOP I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY SITUATION WITH HIM IN ALL OF OUT CAREER NOR MARRIAGE BUT NOW THIS? HELP! I NEED SOME ADVISE AS WHAT TO DO OR SAY. THE RUMORS AT WORK ARE PUTTING A STRAIN ON OUR MARRIAGE!!!! MY HUSBAND RODE OVER WITH HER ONE NIGHT HE SAYS TO CHECK HIS B/PRESSURE AND THIS STARTED THE RUMOR MILL FROM THE WIFE OF THE OFFICER INVOLVED WITH HER IN THE AFFAIR SHE WORKS AT THE MAIN UNIT AND IN A SUTLE WAY ASKED ME "IF I WAS GOING TO TAKE MY HUSBAND ON VACATION WITH ME OR LEAVE HIM OVER THERE WITH THE FEMALE OFFICER"? I ASKED MY HUSBAND THAT NIGHT WHAT THAT COMMENT MEANT AND HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT HE WILL TALK TO THE CONTROL ROOM SGT. ABOUT IT.. I GOT TOLD BY HIM THE NEXT MORNING WHAT THEY MEANT BUT THIS WAS AFTER I HAD ASKED MY HUSBAND ABOUT 4 TIMES WHAT THEY WERE MEANING BY A STATEMENT LIKE THAT. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE COULD NOT TELL ME THAT IMMEDIATELY WHEN I CAME HOME AND PRESENTED THAT TO HIM THAT SAME NIGHT? HIS ANSWER TO ME THE NEXT DAY WAS "BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU ARE YOU GET MAD OVER EVERYTHING ". I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SEPARATE OR HANG IN HERE HE HAS REALLY HURT ME WITH THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEHAVE THIS WAY BEFORE. ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHY?

<small>[ October 18, 2002, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: marg46 ]</small>

Suggestion. One of you two should leave and find someplace else to work. WORKING AT THE SAME PLACE DOESN'T WORK!! That's how my husband and I met, but let me tell you. We got SICK of seeing each other that much. You both need some air!!

He shouldn't get involved in other people's problems, though. It causes trouble. You need to deal with the disrespect issues..stay on top of it. Don't let him get away with any ounce of disrespect, 'cause then they take a ton.

Trust me. If you two worked at different locations, I bet you wouldn't be so worried about what he was doing. You can't control anybody. I'm trying to convince myself of this. YOU WILL DRIVE YOURSELF MAD trying to do that!!

Suggestion. One of you two should leave and find someplace else to work. WORKING AT THE SAME PLACE DOESN'T WORK!! That's how my husband and I met, but let me tell you. We got SICK of seeing each other that much. You both need some air!!

He shouldn't get involved in other people's problems, though. It causes trouble. You need to deal with the disrespect issues..stay on top of it. Don't let him get away with any ounce of disrespect, 'cause then they take a ton.

Trust me. If you two worked at different locations, I bet you wouldn't be so worried about what he was doing. You can't control anybody. I'm trying to convince myself of this. YOU WILL DRIVE YOURSELF MAD trying to do that!!

thanks for the reply, but he works on the 3-11 shift i work day shift 7-3 so we only get to see one another on our days off. you mentioned disrespect explain that to me.