NO RESPONSES YET??? I am so emotionally drained, I don't know what to do. I am wondering why with the 3 month separation, 2 weeks of Plan B, and being much more cordial (Plan A?????) WHENEVER we did speak...Nothing is changing. I don't know if there is an A, I know nothing. One thing for sure is that he is now residing in another state, I am here being Mom and Dad, and partying whenever he chooses etc.....I also know that I'm trying what I think is best (Plan B) and when we spoke by accident the other day, he treated me like an old "friend." Please help <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

my story is here:Resolving Conflict "PLEASE HELP--married seven years, separated for 3 mon.-and i want him back"

Swav

Easier said than done, but you should really try to stop dwelling so much on this. I can tell the situation completely engulfs you. You will NEVER be okay until you actually start doing something different. Why waste all your precious energy wondering if he's coming back or not? You need to start dwelling on the positive, and tell yourself what HE'S missing out on, NOT YOU. See, you're just thinking about yourself right now, and that's understandable. But start getting MAD. Stop being sad, and start getting MAD. HE left YOU. He said the vows, and broke them. HE'S the quitter, not you. He's the one missing out. You should use this time to better yourself. I know it's hard. You don't have to tell me how hard it is. I don't even know what Plan A or B is yet. I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm just drawing from advice I've received from people I know. I'm telling you. You need to stop allowing him to treat you like a puppet and take control of your life. When and if he comes crawling back, don't welcome his sorry butt back too soon, either. You better make that boy sweat a little. And hey, in time, you might realize you don't want him anyway. Why would you want to be with somebody who obviously doesn't want you right now? Why is he playing games? You don't want that. You've got some serious thinking to do.

Thanx for the post, Lost. You're right it is consuming me. I am soooo alone and hurt by this. It is still so hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If I may ask, are u experiencing the same situation. Can we chat at least. I am going crazy, I don't even have much adult conversation bcuz I just moved here-don't really know anyone etc....

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I need something or someone to please help me. I am experiencing bad thought, severe depression and everything that comes along with this. I spk with my H yesterday, he proceeded to blame everything on me that has gone WRONG in our marriage. He also told me that if I have changed then "good, but it's too late." He also told me that I will probably take those changes into my new "relationship" and it may work. Can you believe that? Is it really too late? I asked him about an A, still denying it. PLEASE HELP- SOMEONE WHO MAY BE EXPERIENCING OR HAS EXPERIENCED THIS!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My stbx said exactly the same thing to me hazeleyes. And he added "Too little, too late."

He has left, statistics show that most people have a person lined up or are already having an affair before they leave, so you must accept it as a given.

Why do I say this? Because his words are absolutley typical of a wayward spouse. They feel GOOD about what they are doing, but also guilty, and so have to justify it....invariably, the betrayed spouse cops all the blame. I was told I was not enough this, too much that, he had never loved me as a husband should and he needed to be selfish now. As for the kids, he said they are resilient and will get over it....Sound familiar? Well he had a woman lined up alright, he is living with her now and has been for a long time.

So yes, I ahve been there, right where you are now, and for a long time I believed all the rotten things he said to me. But you know what? I am 18 months from that terrible day, and I now realise all those things were his fogged mind trying to find a reason for his own actions. He focussed on some bad traits of mine sure, but he blew them way out of proportion to suit his actions.

Today I realise I was and still am a good person, and I was a loving, faithful and dedicated wife. I am now a loving, dedicated single parent. I am strong and I have found myself again. I would rather have stayed in my marriage, but only if none of this had happened to me. It passes, hazel, slowly, but it does get better.

Now, have you read up on Plan A, and all that other stuff listed on the Homepage here? Well worth a read. Also some good books are recommended there. Are you on medication for your depression? Are you trying to look after yourself? Eating, sleeping, exercise? Your kids need you more than ever now, and looking after YOU first is the best thing you can do for them.

I will call in again later to see how you are.

Love and light,

Jacky

Yes Nina,
Everything u said is very typical of what my H is saying. Wow your husband left also huh? I don't know if I should keep hope, let go or what. I have read the Plan A material, however we barely speak so how will that be effective? He seems so unreachable Jackie-I am scared he may fall in love and never return. Is that normal? Is this what they call fog? No, I am not eating well and am somewhat short patient with our son. It is so unfair to us, I don't know what to do now.

Sorry it took so long to reply. No, I'm not experiencing your exact situation. I have been dumped in the past, though, and have begged and begged the guy to come back (in different ways), but it really does not work. If you are thinking about suicide, you NEED to get some help. I have been depressed to that point, and have even tried it. I've got 2 little kids. You just can't let yourself continue to be this down. Your son sees it. You may not think this way, but he is affected by what's happening to you, and by what you're doing. Stop snapping at him, try not to be impatient with him. It's not his fault. It's his Daddy's. Your son needs more love now. Screw your husband. Essentially, he's screwed you, so please. Just stop wasting your time on him. I suggest you start protecting yourself legally. Are you legally separated? What about child support?

Really. Start taking care of YOU. Don't call him wanting to discuss the relationship. He has told you on numerous occasions he doesn't want it. It makes me sick to read this. I mean, how could he be so cold, right? Don't dwell on that. He's just that way. Now, you have to do something about it. You don't want somebody you have to force to love you.

If you feel like you want to harm yourself again, GET HELP. I'm real serious about that. You should consider medication. You may not want it, may even think you don't need it. But consider it. It will help you cope, along with some counseling. Look into it, please!

Hi Lost,
No prob regarding the timing of your response.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Really. Start taking care of YOU. Don't call him wanting to discuss the relationship. He has told you on numerous occasions he doesn't want it. It makes me sick to read this. I mean, how could he be so cold, right? Don't dwell on that. He's just that way. Now, you have to do something about it. You don't want somebody you have to force to love you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am going to take your advice. Yes, he is being cold and you're right. I can't control him so I do have to take of myself. It's just unbelievable how someone just changes overnight like this. I am trying to find a therapist as of today. I def need someone to talk to regarding this situation. I'm going to start posting more in the general questions forum, I didnt really know what the heck I was doing before. Please visit me, I love the advice and support.

Swav

You sound a bit better. I'm glad. I hope everything turns out well for you. Keep in touch.

I hate that you are having such a hard time. I think its safe to say that your marriage is over so now you have two choices. You can dwell on it or you can take control and deal with it. Its hard to divorce but its harder to divorce without any control over the situation.

Always go forward in life and never back to the past realtionship because if it didnt work in round 1 it wont work in round 2. You'll never be able to forgive him for what hes done and you'll never be able to trust him again. No matter how much you love him.

I understand everything your going through. And if it helps. Hes only with her because she is no responsibility to him. He wants to leave all of his responsibilities behind. He wants his freesom and he left you all the work. So tell him to stay away he doesnt need the blessings he left behind.

One day................... He will come back and you will be strong enough to tell him your not his doormat anymore. You deserve better dont setle for less. I'll pray for you.