This is a long story but this is the only way it could be understood.
So please bare with me:
One of my H's personality is that he calls himself getting even when he feels that he is being hurt, and he does not want to listen to
anyone. These personalities is what I want you readers to have in mind when reading this post.
Another one is that he hides things from me and that I am starting to lose him. And last but least he is hot-headed and it starts to scare the h*** out of me.
We met back in July 2000 and things were going so smooth. He treated me like a lady. BTW he taught at a high school as a music
teacher. And I am working on the side and finishing my degree in psychology.
My husband and I have been married for
over a year and a half. He is 33 and I am 29. We have no children together. But I discovered that in his previous marriage he did have children that I feel that he could care less about.
He hid that from me. So I started figuring out things about him. Also I figured out that he assaulted his ex-wife from letters that I have found.
I remember months and months ago, when we were going to get married, he has been getting touchy over the stupidest things in history. We
have been falling out and everything. I felt that he found a letter that I have written to a friend and hid it from me. The reason why is
because I wrote a letter to a friend and said that me and him have been getting emotional lately and he has been touchy over nothing.
I wrote that letter and set it on the table one day. Well two days later I was looking for the same letter so I can mail it off. He kept on jumping up, saying, "I didn't take it." The reason why I felt that he had that letter was because when I "misplace" something, usually he helps me look for it. But I had to step up and ask him to help me find that letter. He acted hesitant to even help me find that letter.
I have noticed the way he has been acting every since that letter disappeared. He would withdraw from me a lot and he was less affectionate. Every time I tried to beaffectionate to him in bed, he would resent it. And come up with the excuse, "I'm tired." By the
way, I wrote this letter way back in January. Well it was 3 weeks to a month after I was looking for that letter, I found it in one of his business binders, hidden behind a bunch of papers. It was usually a binder that he takes to work and he accidently left in my car. So I
found the letter opened and everything obviously, he took his 15-20 "minutes of fame" and read it. And so I came up front with him about it. And he got very defensive and denied that he read it. So I explained to him, because I already know that he read my letter regardless how many times he denies it, that it was nothing mean I said about him. I told him that I was just stating in the letter that we have not been getting along too well lately. And that I still love him. The problem with his is that he is the type who cannot shrug things off. It is hard for him to forgive anyone, but yet he wants to
be forgiven. He stopped taking me nice places and made me feel bad.
He started acting ashamed of me in public. When he is getting mad at me in public (store), he would walk away from me as if I do not
exist. If we do go out to eat he would act rude by reading a book while I am talking to him. There is no communication whatsoever. He starts calling me crazy when I am trying to talk to him. He claims that he wants to communicate, but when I try to do that he rebels against it.
He hollers at me and curses at me sometimes. He threated to "crack", if you guys know what that means. In case you don't, it means to go nuts and hurt me or something similar that is going to really break this relationship.
As far as money goes, he acts like I do not have a say-so about money spending. And if I spend money for a neccessity I have to feel guilty
about it. He claims that he does not want my moeny, but based on how he acts I don't beleive it. I have a car and it needs some adjustment and he keeps on blowing it off and acting like he does not care. He gets mad and claims that I am saying that he is irresponsible and I wasn't even saying that. In other words, he jumps down my throat about everything almost. Speaking of my car, February passed and then came March. I had a problem with my transmission in my car and I called my husband at work and he suggested to have me take my car home and wait until he comes home. He told me that he will be home at 3:00 pm. He didn't even come home until 5:45 pm. He didn't call to notify me that he would be late. I was so concerned about him. I was wondering if he had gotten into an accident or something drastic had happened. So he calls at the last minute, telling me that he had a business meeting. When he came home, he told me a different story. He kept on changing reasons why he was late. I wanted to know details. And he refused to talk to me. He usually upfront and honest with me. He never hid things from me. So I told him that I was just curious. He snapped, "You are not curious. You just want to start a fight."
Then when the argument was over, I told him that I am not the one who like to start fights. He said, "I know that. I don't know why you
keep on telling me that." And when I remind him that he had just said it, he will come out with this; "You always cook up what I say and you twist it around it make it look like I said something nasty (mean)." So he uses this reverse psychology bull s*** on me. I am getting my degree in Psychology, so readers, I should pretty much know what his schemes are in that area.
He has been verbally and emotionally abusive lately. So when I bring it up the times he hurt me he acts very insensitive. So I was just asking him why didn't he notify me to tell me that he was going to be late -- knowing that I had a problem with my transmission. So he got
sarcastic and said, "I guess this is a welcome home. Isn't it?" So I have been insecure that he has been secretly starting a new relationship with another woman simply because he thought I was bad-mouthing him behind his back, when I am not that way.
He would come home at off the wall times sometimes and never bother to call me on my cell phone like he used to anymore.
So the withdrawing continued. Every time I bring up the subject about betrayal, he gets very offensive or changes the subject and tells me that I am disrespectful when he knows that I am not. So we would quarrell about that a lot. Then April, May and June came and went. I still had insecure feelings about being betrayed. He has been very insensitive about how I feel anymore.
Our money has been coming short a lot. And he has been arguing over money. So there was a graduation ceremony that he told me months ago
that I could attend this past year (May 2002)ceremony at his job, and he was welcomed to bring me without a problem. Then at the last
minute, he suggested me that I did not come. He would not give me any reason why. If he tells me why, he would wait until 3 days why, which
was just enough time to come up with a lie. So I brought up that letter that I written back in January and that I feel that he is calling himself 'fixing' me because he felt that I went behind his back. He has been excluding me from things. He got mad and still denies that he read that letter.
There is this pregnant female was some Sophomore at this school that he has been telling me about. He was one who But anyway, the female
he has been talking to me about, I feel that he has been telling her some vicious things about me. I also feel that the moving expenses
that we were supposed to have to move to Colorado (a pretty state)has been secretly spent on this pregnant female who could care less about what happens to him. I feel that he has been selling me out in front of this female when I am not around.
He has been coming home from work real late often. No affection from him at all. No acknowledging the sweet things I did for him or
anything. I told him one day that I feel that someone is sharing this relationship. He has been very secretive, he would use that reversue psychology stuff on me again saying, "I've had enough liars in my life, who claim I did something wrong, whether I did it or not." I asked him, "Are you saying that I am a liar?" He would walk away from me in anger and get real upset and start making it look like I am wanting to keep a fight going. He has been acting like I
did not exist when I did nice things for him. I write poetry on my spare time; that is why my user name is what it is. I wrote a pretty poem and he acted like he does not care how I feel any more as well as about me. I been feeling neglected too much from him. That pregnant female that he told me that he has been talking to for the past few months is the type who have kids out of wedlock and her boyfriend is in jail. I feel like he is so interested in a woman who lives on the streets than a woman like me who has a future planned for her.
Well one day, me and my husband had went to the store and we ended up running into her. She was giving me this foolish look like I was foolish. She acted like she had something against me. So I feel that he has been filling that woman up with lies about me to make it look like I was one who did him wrong. I didn't say much to her.
She looked at me so mean that I was disgusted.
So my husband and I moved to the dumpy part of Illinois, simply because of all of the Colorado expenses were spent on that pregnant girl. That was a slap in the face I couldn't but to bring been up that incident about him coming home late that day when something was wrong with my car, because he never gave me a rational answer. He would give me an answer that I know was full of it. Either that or he keeps on getting mad and asking me to forget the past. I told him if I had to get my own place I will do so if I have to get stabbed in the back. He claimed that I was threatning to "smash" the relationship. So he blows it way out of proportion. Then he still covering up and telling me to give him a few minutes for him to tell me why he was acting like that that day. I felt that he needed that "few" minutes to make up a lie. The whole summer was nothing but disagreements and him hinting that he shouldn't have married me in the first place. And here it is September. So I brung up that letter I have written back in January for the last time and we argued about that, he still claims that he did not read that
letter. And I feel that he has another woman 'waiting in the wings' for me to clear out so he can replace me with her (that pregnant girl).
Well I feel like a pregnant girl who could care less if he had a stroke 30 years from now is dividing our relationship and he is allowing it to happen and that is why my signature is the way it is.
So I feel like I am losing as well as cannot trust him anymore than I used to. I feel BETRAYED. Can you tell me if you really think he has been betraying me or not? If so how can I heal and resolve it. This is making me feel careless and I am usually not that kind of person. I need you guys support, no judgemnts please. THIS IS VERY VERY SERIOUS AND I APPARENTLY THE ONE WHO CARES ABOUT FINDING WAYS TO FIX OUR MARRIAGE!
