Hi! This is my first posting...Where do I begin? I have recently decided to make something of my marriage. I am not truly happy and content. When I confront my H (and have a few times now), he just seems irritated. He says he's "fine" with our marriage but I want more!!! We recently began reading "His Needs, Her Needs" and we have made a small bit of progress but since he doesn't think we have a problem he's not working very hard. He refuses to see a MC. Reading the book together is really pushing it!
From the outside looking in we look like the ideal couple. But he does not meet MANY of my needs. And he always says he'll try but to no avail. His biggest gripe: not enough sex! But I agree, I would love to have the desire for him but he doesn't try to fill my emotional needs. For some reason he seems totally fine with our "mediocre marriage". Why?!? I don't know, I'm just so frustrated with him...Sorry for rambling, would appreciate any response. Thanks

I don't know that you rambled, seemed coherent enough to me. Now you did say you would appreciate any reply, so here goes.

Read up on plan A, put your needs on the back burner for a bit (that's sort of concentrate on the giver not the taker in you for a while). Do things for him, cook his favorite meal, rent a movie you think he'd like, by all means have sex.

Somebody has to start the ball rolling and you are the one here. It does often tend to have a snowball effect. Meeting the others needs makes the other want to meet yours - that's really the whole basis. But someone has to start.

Thanks for the response. I really have tried this. I've given and given and then still given more. It just seems he just keeps on taking. But it seems like when I really try for him, he thinks things are just great in the world! He's on cloud nine and content. I'm doing all these great things for him and he thinks I'm content too. It just doesn't seem to get the ball rolling with him.
To get really to one of our hugest problems, he goes deer/hog hunting ALL THE TIME!! I'm by myself a whole lot, of course with the two girls. Yesterday around noon I overheard him telling his buddy to pick him up at six. He goes to the family camp an 1-1/2 hours away. That means gone all night and day. He didn't even consult me on this. I have no idea when he was going to tell me. So of course overhearing it really ticked me off! In stead of blowing up (like I've been known to do) I calmly told him I didn't appreciate him not consulting with me, he really hurt my feelings, one of the girls has really missed him and was asking for him, and we need to get back in the going to church regularly again. I just asked him to consider these things. Without taking a breath he said "I've already made the plans and I'm not changing them." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> UGH!!! I was so frustrated I knew I was fixing to say some very hurtful things so I just bit my tongue and walked away. He just took it as "she'll get over it" and acted as though everything was fine. I'm really at my wits end!! I just finished HNHN last night and I realize all the other problems we seem to have.
Thanks so much for letting me vent. I think my friends are really tired of hearing it.

It is very difficult to always be in giver mode, especially when the taker seems to get all the benefits. Your reaction is completely normal.

Still, someone in your relationship must take the lead, and the mature approach generally involves giving and expecting nothing in return. If you expect results immediately, prepare to be disappointed. These techniques take time, and patience is truly a virtue. If you withdraw, he will feel rejected and withdraw as well, and things will get worse.

It is unfortunate that sometimes, we must lose or come close to losing something before we value it appropriately.

You can only take control of your own actions, behaviors and attitudes, and this high road is not lost on spouses -- but you must be consistent, and patient with the time it will take to show long-term changes are taking place. You cannot change your spouse. The changes you make to yourself will you happy from within you, and maybe what your husband does won't be so troublesome.

In my own experience, being needy is unattractive, and rarely does it bring you what you desire. Being supportive, caring and occasionally serving what seems not to be in your best interest can make a world of difference.

Give first, in order to receive.

God bless!