My husband thinks I hate his mother, when in truth I really don't! I just get upset that whenever she comes to visit she complains that I am a horrible wife. She doesn't think I do enough around the house or for my husband. This last time she came to visit, I decided to go to sleep (around 10 pm) rather than help my husband with a project. I told my husband I would be glad to help him with the project if he would do the project at another time. She told me the next day how disappointed my husband was with me, and that she is sure all the extra work he has to do will take a toll on him (since I am so lazy). I just can't help it, I get so tired by 9 or 10. We have three kids I take care of all day, and I am involved in numerous other activities. My husband is really upset with me now -- and says I am very hateful towards his mother. I feel so guilty, and feel like it will be the end of our marriage if anything ever happens to her. He truly feels hurt that I hate her, but the truth is I just feel upset when she complains to me. I just feel like I don't measure up to what she envisioned for her son! Please help.

Hi Martha,

To be blunt, I think I would tell your MIL to mind her own business, and tell your H to grow a backbone, cut the apron strings and be a man. It is not your MIL's place to tell YOU anything about your H's feelings or your M. If he has a problem with you, he should be the one to express it. If you MIL has so much time to supervise and comment, why doesn't she help out? Just a thought... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

He should not be complaining to his mother about what you do or don't do, but even if he does, she should be an adult and BUTT OUT. What's she doing at your house at 10 PM anyway? Did your FIL kick her out? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

On the other hand, sometimes you have to stay up past your bedtime to help out your H if he needs you to. (I wish I could get to bed by 10!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If your H works all day and comes home and works around the house, too, you should be helping him as much as you can. I would hope you could sacrifice some sleep to keep the peace in your marriage. Many hands make light work, and you will be sure MIL won't have any ammo to use against you. I would also advise against reacting to her comments for the time being, making sure you prove to her and your H that you are just the opposite at every opportunity. Try offering to help before you are asked and you will stop it before it starts.

Just MHO, for what it's worth. Best wishes!

I have what I think might be the greatest MIL and she has said that I am the best thing that ever happened to her son ......but. Maybe there isn't a mother out there who doesn't wish more for her child, certainly mine has told me what I could do better, right down to the style of ironing board.

You don't hate her, she doesn't hate you. Perhaps she's trying to give you a bit of advice,
that your husband needs/wants more time with you.
You are involved in "numerous other activities", maybe you should be involved with your husband in mutual activities.

You don't have to accept critical camments from her and take them to heart. But asking her advice will get you far. Telling your husband that you have asked for recipes, cooking hints will go far.