Oh, where do i begin. Our daughter came home yesterday from an outing w/daddy. Last night she starts saying a womens name (Julie). I didn't think much about it at first, but then she said, daddy and julie. His OW is NOT named Julie. <BR>I called him this morning and totally lost it. I asked him if he was seeing yet another women. He laughed and said it was none of my business. I said it certainly is MY business if you are brining this women around my daughter. I am shaking so bad i can't even type. Then i told him that i am tried of him treating me like somthing he scraped off his shoe. I told him not to call me, that i don;t need him. He is not allowed in the house anymore, since he is uncomfortable in it anyway. He needs to arrange 2 days prior if he wants to see our daughter.<BR>He told me i was out of control, that I need conseling, that this person i am is exactly why he can't live with me. I said hold on to your hat, pal, cuz if you think i'm nasty now, just watch out. I told him that if I was angry in our marriage it was because he never showed me any love. But, that didn't matter, because he showed me by this affair how much he really didn't love me.<BR>I told him to get his stuff out of the house by friday, everything!<BR>He also wants me to take care of his cafeteria plan for daycare. Originally i said i would, but i'm not now. This money came out of our joing account, but he wants all the reimburable money himself<BR>I don't even know is this makes any sense. I am so mad. I told him that I don't need him ,that our daughter doesn't need him. She needs a fulltime dad, not a 15 minute a week dad.<BR>I need to calm down.<BR>

ceecee,<BR>You ARE making alot of sense! You are thinking with your heart as well as with your brain, I think I would have had the same reaction. Your H sounds so inconsiderate, he isn't thinking very well. He can do what he wants when he's not around your daughter, but he should do ALOT of thinking when he is. It should be his and her time together, he should help her get through this time in a more closeness relationship. Maybe he should back off for a while with her till he gets his head on straight a little, he will have to learn how to treat and act infront of her on his own, it was alot different when you were a family and you were there to over see everything. Your Daughter will only grasp what she can at her age, it will be different every time. The older she gets, the more she will take in. Keep trying for your daughters sake, don't throw in the towel, and don't do and say things infront of her. Don't let your H belittle you, and if he tries, don't let it work on you, he will do that to turn the tables around. I'll be thinking about you, keep posting. <P>------------------<BR>"TIME" :)<P><BR>

dear Ceecee: Don't know what to offer you, except to agree that he is being one smug, arrogant idiot. I've always got a story to tell, coming from a LARGE family, and if you don't mind, I'd like to pass this one onto you. My cousin's son, we'll call him B, was married, with 3 children. The emphasis is on was. They had been married for about 10 yrs. or so, and on the surface, got along just about the same as we all do. Sure, they had financial problems, but that never seemed to be an issue with them. In April/98, a friend of B's wife set up a friend for a blind date, with my niece's soon to be ex. I know, it gets confusing. So, they both go out, and it just so happens that B and niece's soon to be ex play hockey together. While on the date, ex tells his blind date, that B has been cheating on the wife for the past 9 months. How did he know? B was taking girlfirend to all of the hockey games. Needless to say, when blind date gets home, calls B's wife's best friend, who in turn calls B's wife. B's wife had NO idea, as B was working afternoon shifts, and when he got home, the wife would most often be in bed, tired from taking care of the 3 kids. She confronted, and he readily admitted. He didn't know which one of them he wanted. B's wife promised to do anything to keep him, even going as far as saying that she would be willing to "share" him, if he would just stay with her. Well, we all know what a man's ego can be like. Here was B with not one, but two women panting for him. Jump ahead to 6 months. B's wife is sick and tired of him empty promises. He had moved out at this point, and was always going to move back, but couldn't, as he had promised GF to take her out this weekend, to help someone move the next weekend, yada, yada. B's wife FINALLY told him to either SH** or get off the pot. He chose to get off the pot, and took up permanent residence with GF. Met her at a family Christmas party, and after being in the room with them 10 minutes, knew things were not quite as good as they seemed. GF had never been married, and eventually wanted a family of her own. The problem was that B had a vasectomy. She didn't know how to interact with the children, so by the end of the evening, she was left with chocolate fingerprints all over her designer outfit. Not good! B's family raved about what a wonderful girl she was, and what a B**** his wife was. Jump ahead to 2 months ago. B's wife now has a great job, a sweet boyfriend, and has her self confidence back. She also has the house. B on the other hand has thrown his GF out of the apartment, and readily admits to anyone who will listen that she is a worse B**** than wife ever had been. So, B takes a trip to the wife's place of employment (a retail store) gets on his knees in front of all the co-workers as well as customers, and tearfully begs her to let him come back home to his family. This is the best part. B'w wife tells him that if he were the last man on earth she still would not have him, and if he ever came into her workplace again, she would have him removed and arrested. All this to the clapping and cheering of the shoppers!! Now, moving to the present. He is now living back home with his parents (he's 36) doesn't have a vehicle to drive (she got that too!) doesn't have a pot to pi** in, and is on medication for his nerves. End of story. Actually, not quite. B now tells everyone who will listen that it was the biggest mistake of his life to have ever gotten involved with another woman, and if he could turn back the clock..............Now that's the end of the story. Hang in there, you never know what will happen!!<P>Success Story (why me)<P>Sandy<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

ceecee...man, what a total jerk! the 2 days warning thing sounds good, and yes, he needs to be with your H alone to develop a relationship...he is totally over the edge, IMO.<P>wow, success story, man that's a good one...too bad the poor fool took so long to wake up!

ceecee, my friend, that idiot h of yours just keeps making things better and better, doesn't he? Stick to your guns, take care of yourself and Emma and hold his feet to the fire!!! He SHOULD be spending this time alone w/ Emma. He'll regret it one day. She'll grow and have her own opinions before he knows it and he WILL regret it if he doesn't make her a priority. I have a teenager now that will only see her biological father a couple of times a year for a few hours at a time - and you can't make her. <P>Stay tough.<P>Lori

Ceecee,<P>What a [censored]. Pride comes before a fall, his should be catastrophic. What is his "pain" button? In other words, if you hired a private detective to find out what types of things would be most painful for your husband to deal with, what do you think the investigator's report would say?<P>Perhaps...<P>He's extremely concerned about what people at work think about him...<P>He's worried about how harsh a female judge would be with him in a child support case...<P>He's very touchy about financial issues...<P>He doesn't want certain people to ever find out about his affair(s)...<P>Whatever that pain button is, that's the way to get his attention. Mash it through the dashboard.<BR>

He just doesn't quit does he! Don't they relize that every time they treat us like this that they are pushing us farther away? I loved Why ME's story, actually can see that happening to my H. I'm gald you set up some boundries and let him know you were sick of his s**t. Doesn't it feel good to take charge for a change? <P>Kids talked me into getting a kitten, so yesterday morning I went to a friends house to pick one out. They had alot of farm kittens and I was getting some for my folks also. Anyway they had the most beautiful adult male cat that I just fell in love with. My daughter fell in love with a small grey kitten. So guess what, I ended up with both of them. I know officially live in a zoo. I have 2 dogs,2 parakeetsand now 2 cats.<BR>Not to mention 3 kids. The kids called my H last night and he was not happy at all about. He never did really like cats. We all thought good, he doesn't live here anymore anyway. He asked to talk to me and I couldn't refuse with my kids standing there so I talked to him. He sounded really down (isn't that just too bad)and asked me how my day was. I told him great! Told him family reunion was fun. (It really wasn't but he doesn't need to know that) He then talked on and on about really nothing. Think he misses us just a little? Too bad! He made his bed now let him sleep in it for awhile. I'm actually getting used to being alone and making the decisions myself. I'm taking charge of this situation now! He better be prepared for a fight if and when he ever wants me back because it's not going to be easy. I'm in a roudy mood this morning! I better get some work done around here. Feed the birds, let the dogs out and feed them, feed the cats and change the litter box. Sounds like my day is full better get going. <P><BR>Jiller