NGU...I have a question for you. Don't take this the wrong way because I don't mean it as an insult. I am genuinely curious though, do you really think that the decision you two made for your husband not to have a relationship with his child born of an affair was and is the right thing to do in the interest of the child? I certainly understand why you'd want the woman whom he had an affair with out of your life. It's not fair to that child though. Does the child have someone he thinks of as a father, so that he's not missing out on a father figure in his life? I realize the pain it would cause to have that woman in your life, but despite it being an affair this child was conceived in, he shouldn't be deprived of a father. I hope the child isn't paying for his mother's and father's actions. It's not the child's fault and he shouldn't have to live without his dad.

AMB
Please do yourself a favor, please read Dr Harley Basic Principals NC is suggested when you are recovering.

<small>[ March 19, 2003, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

If them not having contact with the child only for the period is recovery is what she's saying then I understand. Obviously it would be hard if not impossible to be a good parent when you're emotionally wracked and are having problems in your marriage. It actually wasn't what I meant...I was speaking long term.

AMB I cannot respond right now since I am still recovering and unable to type for a long period of time...I will as soon as I can.
NGU

<small>[ April 07, 2003, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: DriveTime ]</small>

Hi everyone!,
Yes, I'm still here, just have been very busy with stuff at home. My father is very sick now, probably won't live much longer, so my attention and thoughts have been basically with him. My marriage is O.K. Good days and bad. Not really thinking about the "more kid" issue right now. I think at the moment the main issue in my marriage is just getting the needed support from my husband. It's been very difficult emotionally for me to see my father getting worse by the day. I'd like some support, after I vent to my husband, but it's just not there. I feel like I'm not important in this house, that I'm just a maid...you know the drill. Guess I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I wish just once he'd say it's gonna be O.K, even if it's not. We've had to cancel the last 2 counselor appts. due to our kids being sick, but we have an appt. tomorrow night. Hopefully we'll be able to keep that. I still plan to write a long post and answer some of NGU's questions, I just haven't been focused enough to think about everything and then write it. I will try and post as soon as I can. I do read the posts pretty much everyday though, but I just don't have the time to respond as much as I'd like. Well, I have to go. I'm sitting with my father through the night. Everyone hang in there! Any spare prayers for my Dad would be appreciated. Thanks! jac07

DriveTime:

Interesting comment regarding the materialism aspect. My husband is very materialistic (and I am very non-materialistic). That could well be part of the reasoning. Ironically, though, I am the one that makes a very good salary. (His earning potential is significantly less.) Also, once our children (yes, I am trying to be confident that there will be another) are school age, I can easily increase my work hours and my salary. You hit on a very good point. Maybe I should remind my husband that our income potential is increasing next time we dance around the topic....

I have asked him directly why the big change in attitude and he just says he doesn't know. I am convinced, though, that it is wrapped up in the affair. In some ways, I think he feels most guilty about what the ramifications are/may be of the affair to our child (as opposed to what it did to me, or "us"). Also, I think the whole "I-am-pregnant" scare from the OW made him see women as trying to manipulate him.

I can SO relate to not trying to act too excited. This morning he said "our next baby should also be a spring baby because it works out so nicely with the seasons and their development."

Hi everyone,
I probably won't be posting for awhile. My father passed away last night. I'll be back here as soon as I can though. jac07

jac07,

I'm sorry to hear about your father, it hit me very hard when my father passed so I can relate to some of what you may be going through.

As you requested earlier, you and your family are in my prayers. I am signing off for a period of time and opted to delete my posts. If I come back, it will most likely be under a different name. Best wishes to you and everyone else in on this thread.

<small>[ April 07, 2003, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: DriveTime ]</small>

Jaco7, I too am just checking in I am reading up on posts and saw yours. I too was hit hard with my fathers death...I still don't think I have mourned it as I found out about my H affair and OC 3 months later.
I would also like extend an ear if you need to talk.
To others, I will repond this week. It is hard to sit up at the computer for too long now and will be catching up on e-mails and posts this week. I need to go stretch out now!
NGU

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