Hello, I’m a new guy. I’ve been happily married for a year and a half. I’ve known my wife for over 6 years (we met in collage). I see from other posts that there are some very serious issues discussed here on this board. I’m not the type of person who would be asking help from anyone, nonetheless a website. (I think this is typical of most men)
But as trivial as my problem may sound to some, we take it seriously. Here goes.
Before we were wed, we moved to California. It’s a beautiful place and has many, many pros and cons. Basically I thought it would be a great way to start our relationship, we both knew it was a temporary move, that before we settle down…we would try something refreshing and different….California was the choice we made. Now we’re over out little “adventure” as we knew we would (there is a extremely high cost of living, no family, and we share different political views than what seems to be the majority of California) So we’re trying to decide where we want to settle down. We want to move back East (I’m from Long Island, NY. My wife is from Eire, PA) We both love New England…etc. The problem is we can’t decide! We both are considering different reasons but we’re having consensus problems. Proximity to family is very important. My wife has 4 siblings, but they live in 4 different states. Where as I have a larger family that are consolidated within a 20 mile radius. So, if family were a deciding factor it would be an easy decision. But, where they live is about as affordable as California. Our work is a major factor….ah I’m just frustrated, I’ve been thinking through the problem for 6 months…and well I wanted some unbiased opinion.

bump

I am not really posting these days I need to get back to the one on the kids in this section, but am recovering from a surgery. You may want to read up on the areas of the website for the "Policy of joint agreement". I think the basic premise is that yoiu only go thru with a decision if you both agree with it, and be sure that it is based on the facts that the resolution is okay with both of you...
with my situation(for the whole ugly story you can read under "I want more kids he doesn't" stated by jac07), I am finding that holding onto that thought has made my need to accept the fact we will have no more, not easier, but more willing to accept. I still hate the fact that he doesn't want more, but I don't want more if he will not be happy about it. But I do still hope he will change his mind... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I would read under the principles of the joint agreement and resolving conflict. While others have written contracts with their spouses, just using the principles in your discussions and decision making may help it to be one that you will both be happy about.
I am originally from NJ and I know that NY and PA are not close but is there an area in between...or maybe one that isn't right in NY but on the outskirts where all could visit you?
Also, make the decision for you and your wife, not for the families...I moved far from my family, for many reasons. I miss them terribly, but I am happy here as well. BTW my whole family is in NJ! And I am one of 7 kids!
Finally try to keep in mind, no move is ever permanent.
Hopefully someone else may come along with more profound words...hang in there, and just communicate...I can't stress that enough.
NGU