For the past few weeks, my husband has been getting distant from me, both in communication and physically. We talked on Tuesday and he said that he doesn't like how I always seem to put him down. Tonight we talked some more, at my prompting and he said that he really doesn't have feelings anymore for me. He said that he's had it with being down because I always criticize him. I had no idea that he felt this way. I always kept saying how great of a guy he was to put up with all my crabbiness. I do agree that I get very moody and I've felt that I had to run the show. We had some financial problems about 3 years ago because of his using internet pay sites. At that point, I took over all the finances to get us back in the black. I felt if I didn't coordinate things--they'd never get done. We both work full time and the kids are both in school. He said that as soon as we got married that I changed. A lot of things happened right after our marriage 8 years ago. His grandma lived with us and gave us many problems, such that put a big damper on our marriage then. She was relocated to an assisted living home and we were able to go on with our lives. We have 2 children (7 and 5 years old). I don't know where to start trying to repair our marriage. I asked him if we could try a counselor and he said he doesn't like counselors. He saw one when he was younger due to divorce of his parents. I don't want to give up! Advice please of where to start. I have already decided myself to watch my actions and try to be more supportive of him. I asked him if he thought we could try to rekindle our relationship and all he could say was "I don't know". I really don't think he's involved with anyone else. When I asked, he said "no, there's no time for that". He was willing to talk some, but not much. Many answers were "I don't know". I asked him to talk to me. He never has been much for communication with me. We've just been going about the program for so long--we've grown apart. He's a great guy and a great father. I don't want to lose him!

HELP!

jewels65

Then don't ask him questions, and sit next to him, quietly, whenever you get the chance. Make sure you are touching him a bit, not draped all over him, but just leg to leg or arm to arm, and also put your arm in his while walking, or walk hand in hand, if he will let you.

And then quit your crabbiness. Look at yourself critically to see what you are being crabby about and then stop.

wiftty

maybe hes going thru mid lift , sometimes i dont feel like i love my wife either after knowing her 16 years, they say u cant trust ur emotions.I wouldnt pressure him, let him find himself, he will come around if u lay off of him, its a man thing.God may be dealing with him in a certain area of his life, keep him in ur prayers

What have you done to take a look at yourself and how you interact with your H. Have you done any reading on marriage/relationship building.

My W and I are currently reading a book together called 'The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate'.

It is a very insightful book from a well known counselor with years of real world experiences. So far this book has given my W and I a lot of To-Dos to try to find what it is we are both needing from each other. If you can find what it is your H is looking for to fill his 'Love Tank' he may begin to change his impression of you and your relationship.

Just the mention of your crabiness reminded me of some of the discussion in this book.

If you provide your H with enough of what he's looking for and eliminate the things that drain him of Love, then I'm sure you two can begin to grow as a couple. Remember he's still saying 'I don't know' not 'It is definitely over'. There's still time to rekindle what you once had.

Good Luck

Jewels65,

It sounds like you and I are in the same boat. Please write me back. I'd like to know more about how you are doing.

Your situation sounds similar to mind as far as lack of communication and"crabbiness". Only my husband and I are separated right now. We have 2 kids ages 10 & 6. All of us want him back home. (He left on his own.) He says he know he's done stuff to hurt me (such as lying and keeping stuff from me) but he sounds like he blames a lot on me fussing. I don't know if he's at a depression stage or something. We havent talked much lately. I have been reading a lot of biblical articles on restoring marriage. I have put my situation in the Lord's hands.