delete please

<small>[ June 22, 2003, 11:54 PM: Message edited by: JustaToy ]</small>

justatoy,

It sounds as though your relationship began before his first marriage was resolved. The problems that can cause are exactly the ones you are experiencing. He calls her because he has a bond with her that is obviously very strong. What are the circumstances of meeting him? It is amazing how many times the ex-wife can become the OW here....it is more common than you think because marriage links people emotionally.

wow if you were with him while he was still married did you expect him to be true to you!

it is known that men who do this cheat on their spouse will also cheat on you too.

just remember the times he lied to his wife and the things he did to her..now he is doing it to you.

how does it feel? because I think it will continue.
maybe he really did love his wife and you stole her husband.

I think it is sad but I think that sometimes
things that go around come around and this is one of those times..he is bonded to her and nothing will break that.

they have children? how old are they?
why do you think he needs to not have his child or children if they want to live with him their daddy what is wrong with that? they are his children every much as bit as yours is and were there first. Perhaps this child has a strong bond with their dad that you cannot break.

I think you are in for a rough ride, you will want to put all the rules on him that you helped him break...the vows to his wife..he is probably still comitted to her..they had something special that you two can never get.

You are now the Other Women..get use to it
might last a long time of wondering where he is at..
keep on keeping on..

perhaps he has deceided that the grass is not greener on the other side and wants to go back home..If she will have him.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Update: Well, good things have come. The best way to really find the answer to a question is to go to the source. I called his ex and we had a wonderful chat for over an hour. We both know he has had past issues with his childhood and knowing him I know deep inside whatever the need to call, it had to be for good even though it was appearing to be deliberatly bad. She confirmed that he loves me and lied because of how she would treat him when he would tell the truth, they now have a good working relationship with and for the kids and she and I both realize that the reason he wouldn't tell the truth was two fold....past issues from his childhood and her admitting that her controlling him for so long created him to go into self defense mode even when he was doing something for the right reasons and falling into old patterns from his abuse he took from from her. Not everyone lies because they are doing something wrong...but because he was doing something right and believed he would be treated by me the same way she treated him when he would tell the truth.

We are all doing great now, he sees that the truth is the best and is working very hard to break old patterns, we are all friends and for those of you that choose to judge me and my situation by saying "I stole her husband" or tried to come between his kids...you have no clue what hell we were all going through...Shame on you...you don't know the whole history so please try and not be so bitter to people..especially without being there and going thru it in their shoes!!!!!

Check out the new testament...what did Christ say? He who is without sin cast the first stone??? Hmmm...To judge someone you've never known shows a bitter heart. I hope someday you can feel free to love instead of judge.

Life is great for all!

Posts </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...Why is there such a need to call her all the time and talk?? He's even admitted its not all about the kids. I feel this is one of the reasons he can't seem to put "us" first on anything or commit to "us". He's always so afraid he'll set her off and cares less if it upsets me? Is there any hope??? If so...what? HELP!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posts </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said he called her "ALL" the time,
If you were with him before the divorce SHAME ON YOU! it does not matter the difference if the shoe fits where it.

the bible seeing as you used it and claim to be a christian..says we can judge our brothers and sisters in the Lord..because you need to be living and doing what is right and not running around with someone elses husband.

Be honest with yourself you backslid and confess it to God, ask forgiveness.

you said I judged you perhaps I did..it was because I was using my values to beliefs I live by
that marriage is a holy sacrament and not to be taken lightly and you were the OW.

If you don't want answers and want to hear what you want to hear, then why ask here?
I am far from bitter.but I am not stupid either.

perhaps she is lying to you too..why would he call everyday..that is ridiculous, you were the one who was worried.

I hope things do work out for you, you can't change things now..if she was that volatile why does she have custody of the kids?

You deserve each other is all I can say and what does God say...Thou shalt not commit adultry!
what part of that don't you understand,
maybe you need to stop lying to yourself.

but maybe too you need to get together with him and her and see how they REALLY interact..

Do you go to church is he the leader in the home?
do you really live it?

I do live it, I don't just talk the talk.
Read the end chapter of revelations and see where all liars and whoremongers end up.
But if you have repented and not practicing sin..good for you. I rejoice with you.
if not God is not a fool..He will judge you.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EarthAngel

here is something for you on forgiveness I received from a minister 4 years ago. I was having trouble forgiving my husband THEN..
this helped me..I really wish you well.

the only thing that bothered me was knowing your relationship started while he was still married..and it is not right, no matter how much you condoned it..I feel you needed to repent but if you both had already done that..I am sorry I judged you unjustly. was trying to keep you from the fires of hell in the future..take care..
________________________________________________

Forgiving Yourself and Others

Forgiveness is not an emotion: it is a choice.

The choice doesn't change your feelings any more than your feelings nullify the choice.

Making the choice is not the destination. It is only the beginning of the journey toward healing.

Forgiveness does not undo the damage.

It does not sweep the conduct of the consequences under the rug where they will trip you up later.

If you want to truly forgive, you must truly deal with your feelings.

Acknowledge the anger, the hurt, the guilt, the shame.
But because your feelings will change daily, you must choose to anchor yourself in God's Word that never changes.

Forgiveness is a product of God's mercy.
You may not feel you deserve to be forgiven; however, forgiveness is a free gift from God based on the shed blood of Jesus Christ at Calvary.

Just as you did nothing to earn the forgiveness that leads to salvation, you can do nothing to earn forgiveness for your sin now.

You must choose to accept God's forgiveness and you must choose to forgive yourself. God's Word exhorts you to do so (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Forgiveness is a command.

God never commands us to do something without providing the resources for us to obey Him.

It is impossible to obey the command to forgive without relying on God's forgiveness to enable you.

Jesus said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).

In time He will enable you, through the power of His Holy Spirit, to completely forgive yourself and anyone else who may have played a part in your sin(Philippians 2:13).

If you will allow Him, God will work in you to free you from the bondage of guilt, grief and shame.
Bill
________________________________________________
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I will be praying all works out how God sees fit.for you and your husband and the ow who probably is having severe emotional problems.
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forget the former things: do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing. Isaiah 43-19
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I hope I have enlightened you some and I hope you will draw close to God because when you do HE promises to draw you close to Himself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No one is judging or throwing stones, simply stating facts.
Prior to that he/I went thru his divorce together which was bitter,

Why didn't he & his wife go through the divorce without a 3rd party being involved? Of course it was gonna be bitter.

Just a Toy,
back to your question about your H and his X. I am not an expert in this field by any menas but this is my experience.
My X went through an ugly scene with his X prior to Divorce after 20 yrs marriage, of history. He trusted the relationship he had with X, he "knew" and could predict her actions, her feelings, her reactions etc. He was comfortable with the relationship, despite its shortcomings. It was a "known" for him.
I am completely opposite from the X. When my H and I met, he fell for the fact that I am opposite. But he had 20 years of "comfort" some where else. Doing something you have never done before is very uncomfortable. OUr marriage has not been easy.
Because he needs to be in contact with X because of minor child who lives with us, there are frequent phone calls. I can only guess on this next one, but because she regrets giving up custody of minor, have really ugly relationship with affair-partner, and because MY H is a "known" to her, things were (I hope it's past tense) ugly for a bit. She thought she was coming home. Because my H would not treat thier present situation like a business deal, got too "friendly", conversations got way off track between the two of them. They talked way too much, met each other in parking lots, and God only knows what. I had asked on several occassions for him to focus on us, because as long as he was putting any energy into he and his X's "friendly" relationship, he wasn't putting enough energy into ours. Evidentally to no avail. Just before this past Xmas, I recieved a phone call from X's live-in (the affair partner that help destroy my H's and X's marriage). Because their relationship was based on lies and deciet, he habitually follows her and tapes her phone conversations. So, he caught them, in a parking lot, when my H had told me he had to rush back to work from his lunch break. The parking lot was not even on the way. According to her partner, they were standing too close (anywhere in the same county was too close for me). Then X's man played me a phone conversation. Clear as a bell, it was my H and her, talking about having an affair.
Well to make a long story short, his excuses were pathetic. "She needed a friend" and they weren't talking about an affair. How dare I!!!!
Bullcrap!
We are still together, and he claims they are not. He had always claimed that he could not tell me when and why they had talked because I would get too upset, Damned straight I would get upset.
Because he doesn't tell me anything any more has me nervous. But we are getting better.
Stay blessed and here is a hug.