I must add that I tend to not trust in your sincerity because of what I have been through myself. I am sitting here wondering if you are sincere in wanting to change or if you are just trying to get inside the mind of an abused person to see what may work for you to get her to stay. There are no magic words though for you to get her to stay. Actions dear, that is what you must do. You can tell her until you are blue in the face that you will change but she is not going to believe that. She may very well leave but that doesn't mean that you can't still work on changing your behavior and learning what it is within yourself that you are hiding from. And if she does leave that doesn't necessarily mean that it is permanent. If she does leave then use the time apart to change you behavior and then prove to her through actions that you are capable of changing this. You can't force her to stay with words, that will only push her out the door faster. Have you read the Basic Concepts on this site? You should if you haven't. There is a lot of helpful information.
basic concepts I am willing to talk with you back and forth here, I just won't be giving you inside tips on how to keep her there only because I know the pattern and I wouldn't want to be responsible for getting a victim to stay and then you go back to your old ways again but I am willing to help you in any way I can for you to change your verbally abusive behavior because that really is the only way that you can make your marriage work. And changing is not easy nor can it be done overnight. It takes lots of self exploration and counseling too. Is the counselor that you are gonna start going to knowledgeable about verbal abuse? If not then you may want to contact a DV shelter and ask them if they can recommend a good counselor or if they have a program for you. There are many programs that are geared towards the abusive person that help you learn why you do and and they teach you how to change the behavior. The programs are called batterers intervention, now don't take the word batterer as meaning physical violence because not all abuse is physical. Here is a self test for you that I pulled from a site about an intervention program for men.
Ask yourself (a self-test)!
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Have you ever hit, pushed, grabbed, or threatened your partner, or frightened or intimidated her in other ways?
Has she told you that she's afraid of you, or shown fear in other ways? Are your children afraid of you?
Do you frequently insult her, call her names, or say other things that make her uncomfortable?
Do you often pressure her to do things your way, even if she doesn't want to?
Does she complain that you are trying to control her life?
When you treat her badly, do you consider it her fault? Do you blame it on alcohol, stress, or family problems?
Have you cheated on her?
Have you ever been accused of mistreating your children?
Has your partner complained about jealous or possessive behavior on your part?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you could benefit from the ******** program. Our experience shows us that once a man begins to abuse in any of these ways, he has a problem that won't go away, and will most likely get worse. Men often feel guilty and apologetic after an abusive incident, and may promise themselves and their partners that they will change. Unfortunately, we have found that even with the best intentions, men do not stop being abusive without outside assistance.