The past 2 weeks I have noticed that my husband was acting strange. spending extra time at work, rushing me off the phone, ect. Saturday he says he does not love me like a wife anymore that the romance is gone and he loves me as he best friend and dear family member. He says he is leaving me in 2 months. He said that I deserved someone better than him and he has ruined my life. He is blaming himself for decisions made together. I of course was very upset. I told him I was going for a drive and he needed to examine his feelings without thinking about what I wanted, needed, that what I deserved was my decision.

Some history is we have been married for 7 years. His parents (mother now deceased) verbally and mentally abused him in childhood. His parents had a horrible relationship to the eyes. They were definately not a good role model relationship. HUBBY has severed all communication with his dad due to continued abuse. Hubby recently arrested his dad for harboring an escaped convict. It has been a very stressful few weeks for him. He started a new job 2 months ago.

He has never expressed his irritation or anger with anything I do because he has learned to duck and cover with his parents and it has been easier for him to deal with it inside instead of bringing it to the surface. When I am upset with him he cops out by saying I guess I am just a jerk ect. And then refused to go any further with the conversation.

In our conversing over this problem I have told him from now on when I am upset he is going to know I am and why and I expect him to tell me the same. He says there is no passion anymore. In reading the website my major problem is that I do not have a huge sexual need. I have my own problems. Sex in my mind is a problem because I feel it is dirty. I have my own self esteem problems with my body ect. and I told hubby that I am willing to work on this but it is something he is going to have to help me with. Maybe if more affection were there I would not be feel the sex was so dirty. And this is a problem in our relationship that needs fixed. He almost had an affair 2 years ago. They did not have sexual relations but this act still felt like betrayal because at that time he said he did not love me anymore also. It has caused a major trust problem with me but have tried my best to work on it and put it behind me.

He is so convinced he does not love me that he put it as he felt so bad after touching me and kissing me that he felt he had performed an illegal act. Part of me feels that he has some confusion as to what "love" is. and part of me feels maybe he has never "loved" me. I tell him a relationship is constant work. I asked him to examine 5 different relationships of people close to us that are over 7 years old and feel free to ask them questions about their feelings. I told him that as long as he feels that the feelings he has is not love and is ashamed to touch me we are going to have a hard time working on passion. He thinks he needs to leave the house for a few months. If he feels he needs to leave I told him that it would cause more hurt to my feeling and our relationship and it will be much harder to fix this if he decided he wanted to. His response is what if I don't want to come home. I told him that was his decision.

He says that his being home just causes us both to cry and be upset when we talk. Don't we need to talk and cry to heal this. I am going through many emotions. Hurt, Anger, Worry, feeling sorry for him, feeling sorry for me, trying to analize what I am hearing. ect. I can not continue to go through an emotional rolercoaster for the next year like I am currently at 4 days after the announcement. Do I need to set a date or deadline for somekind of update on his feelings. From our talk last night he seems more confused as to what his feelings are after talking to his aunt and uncle that raised him in high school. I just need to know what to do.

Don't try setting a deadline. I understand how frustrating this must be for you, but setting a deadline will probably serve to drive him away more.
It sounds like his problems are rooted in a lack of self esteem due to his history of abuse. Judging from what you say that he says to you, it sounds like 1) His self esteem is so low that he doesn't think he deserves you, 2) He is running away out of fear of rejection by you.

First of all, he needs to see a psychologist to help him work through his issues about the abuse. You know him best, so it is up to you how to get him to the point he will go to therapy. Then you need to find a sex therapist to help you deal with your issues about sex. He may at first glance reject your request to see a psychologist, but if he sees you going to a therapist yourself, then he may be more likely to go. It shows that you are willing to work things out and not wanting to let him go that easily.

I agree with mftstudent... reminds me a little bit of how I used to act.... I had been hurt very badly from child abuse... and I was scared to let my husband close to me... everytime I felt he was getting too close I would shut him out and say similar things that "I dont love you" "I dont care" "we are better off apart"
Was I so wrong....... I told him go find someone else I dont want you..... well eventually he did go find someone else... WHAT A SHOCK TO MY SYSTEM!! I actually DO CARE!! I DO LOVE HIM!!! And now that he has actually hurt me I have let him in..... Luckily we have been able to work on our marriage and hopefully we will now grow old together..... Maybe this is the same kind of amour your husband has up.