Convenience Marriage
I obtained my permanent residence status about 17 years ago through a convenience marriage. (It was a business transaction in which my family paid the guy, we never lived together, or anything of that nature) At that time I had a constant abdominal pain due to stress and fear of been deported.

A year ago I got married, my current husband is telling me that it is the most horrific act a girl could commit (even though he knew of this convenience marriage 4 months prior to getting married). He says it is a crime, that I have no conscious, and expects me to be remorseful and ashamed. I’m not proud of such act. But I’m not remorseful or ashamed. He says that the institution of marriage should never be use for any purpose other than to validate one's love for each other. He says that the act that I committed is as bad as prostitution and since we do not agree on this and other issues we are getting divorce. He is asking me to take a poll on this topic.

<small>[ July 05, 2003, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: yourhonestopinion ]</small>

Dear YHO
Who are we to judge? This country was made on people taking advantage of opportunities, business and otherwise.

Also when you let people judge you, you carry their baggage around. They are looking at it from their perspective, from their world. You have to live in yours. Besides if you are judged, then at some point you must be found guilty and then you must be punished. Why would you want to go through that. We judge ourselves enough. It puts us in hell. We are always judging each other or being a victim.

If you don't feel you did anything wrong, don't be a victim and let someone talk you into judging and punishing yourself. because as humans, punishing ourselves doesn't stop at once, we keep punishing ourselves every time we think of it. Sometimes we don't know why or what triggered more punishment.

Tell H to not take what you did personal and if he loves you, be grateful you were able to get here so the two of you could meet.

Be Happy,
Tenbo

I agree with post above. Your H needs to focus on your well being, not your past.

Since I have been involved with the INS (Immigrations and Naturalization Service) for the last several years, I should be able to give you some insight on this subject. Any American citizen marrying for the single reason of getting an alien his or her residency is committing a federal offense and may be punished by a huge fine and / or imprisonment. I know for a fact that it is a much more difficult thing to do today than it was many years ago. In my opinion, marriage is sacred and it is morally incorrect to get married for any other reason except that you love the person you want to marry. Sure, people break the rules and laws of the INS all the time, but if they get caught they have to pay the consequences. If they don’t get caught, they have to live with what they did for a long time. Also, just because you have your permanent residency now, doesn’t mean the INS cannot do some investigating. As to your husband stating, “the most horrific act a girl could commit”: this is not true. Maybe he is using this statement as a figure of speech. Without a doubt, there are more horrific acts which a person can commit. If I could give you one piece of advice I would say don’t ever tell anyone about what happened with your “convenience marriage” again. If this information gets to the wrong people it is possible you could have some responsibility for it now. And by no means do I think coming to the USA illegally is comparable to prostitution.

Tenbo said ... "Who are we to judge?"

Well, she broke the law. People who break the law might be placed into a courtroom where they are judged by a jury of their peers.

MY question is this:

When did your H learn you did this? Before or after you said your vows?

You told him AFTER the vows: You married under false pretense. He has every right to annul the marriage if it goes against his personal moral principles.

You told him BEFORE the vows: He made a choice to marry you knowing your history .... tuff nookies for him.

WAS this a case of "bait and switch"? No. You said he was aware 4 months prior to nuptuals.

Your H has some explaining to do.

Ask your H this .... "If you knew about this and it bothered you, why did you go through with the marriage?
P <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ep

<small>[ July 11, 2003, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>