Dear Verity,
Your concerns about auto safety are probably justified to some extent. There is a range of differences in the safety of autos, and the Insurance Institute for Highway safety puts out the results of crash tests, comparing various models in various classes. Your public Library should have some recent and past magazines that describe various crash tests, and rank ordering of various models.
There are so many models of cars these days, that if the two of you take some time to look around, you might find something you can agree upon. Personally, I put expensive tires on my cars, and they are now all sports cars. I like Michelin X-1 Dura Black. They stop in the rain better than other tires, (22 Feet), and handle well on dry pavement. Actual sports cars are diappointed when I go around the corners right beside them.
If you read the rules on negotiating in the articles, it recommends that you think of a thoughtful approach, then sit down at a quiet time when all parties can be thoughtful and calm.
It does not sound like you have done much homework on the subject of auto safety. Some convertibles have roll bars, and some have seats that are low, with the trunk in a realtively high position. A four year old in a car seat or with a seat belt should do fine in a roll-over in most convertibles. Sports cars are less likely to roll over than other cars, as they have a low center of gravity. The greater danger for rollovers is from SUV's, as they have a high center of gravity.
But, if your marriage has other issues, the issue of a sports car may have other symbolism, that may come up for you, upon reflection and discussion. How you make family decisions is important for both of you to feel comfortable.
I am applying the policy of POJA to a new clothes drier. Our old drier is broken, and there are new, larger capacity diers now available. I think this is the time to upgrade, and my wife feels we should either repair the one we have, or buy a used one. There will not likely be a new, large capacity drier available, used. I am hanging up the clothes to dry on plastic hangers, and saving on electricty. My wife pitches in, but she stacks the clothers several deep on the hanger, so they don't actually dry, until I spread them out.
Most crashes with sports cars do not involve rollovers, and prayers can provide a measure of protection. I like to envison a pyramid from the sky providing protection for myself, or others. Can you come up with some vision of safety that will work for you to go to sleep?
Would a luxury sedan work for your husband? Since there are low interest car loans available, going into debt for a good investment does not seem unwise. My wife is blind to see any value of investment except for the dollars being spent. An auto that will have reduced service needs for an extended period of time needs to be credited for reduced repairs. An auto that brings respect and signals success may draw others who are success oriented to assist, and trust, your husband further. This is a little intangible, but the value of increased trustworthiness, needs to be entered into the equation.
Once I borrowed a Mercedes Convertible, sleek low sports car, from a car dealer, and took my wife out to lunch. I thought it would be a nice treat for her. Ordinariy I drive a work van. My wife's co-workeres asked the question, why is your husband driving a Mercedes, and you are driving a Plymouth? You should get a better car like he has. Why doesn't your husband let you drive the Mercedes sometimes? Whatever your good intentions, it can always be viewed as wrong.
Jenateare's idea of a used car is probably a lot smarter today, than it used to be. With Carfax lemon check, and model searches, you can get just about anything you want, in any color you want.
What is more important, is for you and your husband to have some good positive communication, and find ways to smoothly incorporate both your ideas.
Today, my wife got the idea that when I put out folding tables to do my work, that I can fold the tables back up, and interrupt my work, if my wife needs that section of the house. I bought the folding tables and stacking chairs some 8 months ago and have been using them off and on. Today, the sun finally shone through the clouds, at least briefly, that a folding table does not have to remain standing, if a need arises for my wife to use the room.
Best wishes,
Quipper,
Married 28 years and still struggling.
