My husband and I have been married for three years. We have had two children together and I have one previous child. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband works a lot of hours. One thing lead to another and I had an affair- not a sexual one- but I went outside of our marriage to seek out a companion. We separated, and now I am back at home. We realized that things in our marriage needed to change so we began going to a marriage counselor (?) weekly to help with our problems. That is the main reason for the posting: I feel that she is giving us really bad advice and not giving us any goals. She has been telling me in our private sessions that I should ignore my husbands absence and accept his behavior that caused me to leave, and I feel that it is bad advice. How can I ask my husband to change the things that hurt me, and make our marriage stronger by ignoring and pretending that this behavior is fine? Is she giving me bad advice and should I seek out a more motivated counselor?

PLEASE HELP!

Dear Jlfzeker,

I feel that it is the job of the marriage counselor to bring up topics for discussion that are pertinent to keeping the marriage going. Whether the marriage counselor takes a side, the right side or the wrong side, is less important.

I think it is helpful for a marriage counselor to take the wrong side of an issue, because that gives me a chance to unoad on the marriage counselor.

"What do you mean time is not important. Right in MB Articles it says 10 to 15 hours is minimum. You ought to turn in your marriage counselor license, giveing out advice like that. Hubby needs to find a way to spend more quality time with me and the kids."

Go back, week in, week out, and yell at the counselor. More time, More Time.

Do not think of backing down.

When you feel the issue is resolved to your satisfaction, then you can back off.

Think of things you can do together that will be workable for him. Maybe you can help with some of the work, or you can walk together. Find creative ways to make things work.

I leave my wife voice mail messages, about things I have done around the house. She is not home, so what, I am going to spiritually make her a part of this, and I am going to get my deserved rewards. "Honey, it is 7 PM, and I just wrote out 5 bills. I am feeling good, and you owe me two big hugs."

Best wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years and stil struggling