Im new to this site. Been posting on family forum. Heres the deal...Hubby and I have been married for 12 years and have 3 children. About 5 years into our marriage I found out he had been having an affair for about 4 years. I stood by him after he attempted suicide. Then 2 years ago he left me for another woman I filed for divorce and 5 days before the divorce was final we reconciled. About a week ago he tells me over the phone that he doesnt think he loves me anymore and doesnt know if he will stay with me. Hmmm....so Im thinking "Oh this is great" I went through all that pain, we get back together, start going to church, trusting in God and then he decides he doesnt love me anymore. How much is too much before I should just RUN

Dear Lauraly,

Marriage is about more than gushy feelings. I try to pay attention to what my wife does, rather than paying too much attention to the words or ideas she expresses. My wife likes to threaten that she will have an affair, if I do not do things her way.

How are the 3 Children? What is his relationship to the children, and how does this on and off again affect them? Apparently they are all under 11 years old. Do you have an order of child support, and is it still in effect? Has he found something else to do with his money?

Is there a reason to get a final divorce sooner than later? What are all the things you and he want each other to change? How do you work together on your wish lists?

What additonal compromises are you willing to make to keep the marriage that you have not let him know about?

Apparently the idea of Fatherhood is important to him, and being your husband. Maybe you could pretend he is a special foreign ambassador, off on trips for various lenghts of times. Is he coming home most of the time? How do you explain when you show up to Church without your husband?

You have not mentioned counseling. If he can phone you, and tell you he is uncertain of his feelings, he should be able to talk about his feelings of uncertainty with a counselor.

Best wishes

Quipper,
Married 28 years and still struggling