Shortly after H told me his intentions to file for divorce, I emailed him back to remind him he has a son who needs him. He has finally admitted he had been negligent in keeping up with him. Sounded like a mighty cold description of a relationship between father and son. But at least he says now he will call him. Then he said I could pack up his stuff and perhaps our son could deliver it to him. NO F****NG WAY!!!! I am not putting my son in an emotionally wrenching place. I will deliver it myself with a friend or he can come in the dark of nite and pick it up at the curb. H went on to say he wants certain CD's, a small painting for his office, etc. Then he said he would like some of our pictures of our son, and he would like some old film put on video. Gee, so he can sit around and watch family videos. <BR><BR>So I emptied his closet and dresser and tossed it all in the basement. Now I have extra closet space for me, and the new wardrobe I intend to get since I am down to a good weight.<BR><BR>He has also agreed to meet with me to discuss "other things". I think I will let him do much of the talking and not commit to anything until I have my lawyer. It will be hard and I picked a restaurant where I am known and feel comfortable. A friend will be with me till he gets there and then another friend will pick me up. I don't know when this will be, as usual he was vague.<BR><BR>So that's where I am now. I'm doing ok, a little teary once in awhile, not because I miss him, but because of the loss of our life together. I'm hoping you all are getting better results than I did, and for those of you who are where I am, we WILL get by.

ATW<BR>Let yourself grieve the loss. We talked about that before. FHL and I have been studying the forgivenes workbook. Have you read it? It is more for your own peace of mind than anything. <BR>I can relate so much to what's going on with your son. I often think of you when I watch what is going on here. My 18 year old is not recovering well from this. <BR>You have been a great mom. You have done everything you could. Be proud. don't try to be too strong. Don't let this ruin those good memories. They are yours and they were good. <BR>Prayers for you!

I'm so sorry you are at this point. They say it has to hit rock bottom before it gets better. You are smart to have your friends' support in this. Take care.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ATW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

against the wind, i just looked at your profile. are you aware you've posted 800 times. that's a lot of reading and writing.<BR>i sure hate to see all the effort go for nothing. <BR>i would email you but you didn't list your addy on the list.

Thanks guys, I'm not exactly feeling strong, maybe kind of numb and looking down the road for what comes next. Hope I can keep my dignity when we have our face to face after 8 months of not seeing him. I'll try not to be near any sharp objects.<BR><P><BR>frankie, my email is LadyLee47@aol.com<p>[This message has been edited by Against the Wind (edited August 30, 1999).]

ATW,<BR> I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and how I've read every single one of your posts...you have shown such loyalty and fortitude and have so much to offer. I only hope that things look up quickly for you....Lu

Lu, thanks for thinking of me as loyal. That has always been how I have tried to be. But it never seems to get me anywhere Oh, well, maybe one day????

ATW:<P>I only have one piece of overall advice. At this stage, you owe this man nothing. DO NOT MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM. His disrespectful behavior towards you and your son is beyond contempt.<P>If this were my jerky husband, I would make him have to waltz right by me, through the house, to pick up his miscellaneous junk by a certain date, or I would tell him I'm donating it to Goodwill and taking a tax deduction FOR MYSELF. Family pictures and videos - hah! I thought he forgot he has a family and trashed these memories. If he wants a divorce, let him hunt YOU DOWN to nail down the conditions. No one should be allowed to get out of an long term marriage through avoidance. You deserve way more.<P>I would never suggest that you turn angry or vengeful, but there's absolutely no reason for you to lift a pinky to help him through this. He's responsible for the pile of dog poop and should be the one who shovels it out the door.<P>Aah, getting angry at your husband is cathartic. I wish I could feel the same towards mine.

Distressed, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Actually a few of his things have gone to charity. Sometimes I feel like such a fool for being "nice", but I think I will make him come and get what he wants if he has nerve enough to do it. He made his choice, now he needs to get a spine to finish what he started. <BR><BR>I'll be in touch with you soon

ATW,<P>How are you? I just want to tell you that your son will be fine. You've been a great mother to him. I could tell this cuz my Mom been great to us after my Dad left her 4-5 years a go. If it was not because of her, we might have dwell on that but we did not. Life will continue with or without him. And my Mom had showed him and us that she could raise us good and decent WITHOUT him. I even dare say that our life was better without him cuz then we will not have to witness all their fights anymore.<P>Stay strong and God bless you.<P>Saskia

ATW, here we are in the same boat again! I fully understand what you're going through. H and I have been separated for 6 months and are now doing the 'lawyer' thing. Two weeks ago I finally packed up all his personal belongings that he was too chicken to ask for, they are now in the basement. The whole time I was thinking "why the heck do I have to deal with this?!" - it's like his final blow, he knows how much I hate to pack! <P>But anyway, don't put yourself or your son in that situation. He wants it, he should come get it.<P>If you need anything let me know. Don't agree to anything until you have talked to your lawyer and follow the lawyer's advice. That's what I'm doing and it's working out so far. Chin up!<BR>

Hi ATW<P>For what it's worth, I found that the more things he takes from the house (with my "permission" of course) the better I feel. The photos are all gone and were the first things to go. I want no reminders of a lifetime of lies and thankfully he is taking them. Later on the kids can ask him for pictures if they want. My house is slowly becoming MY home and I am enjoying making things how I want them. Right now I'm working/vacationing in KC (and loving every minute of it!!!) till Labor Day and he's there with the kids. Last night he called me demanding that I call the psychologist to get our oldest daughter in to see him because he just can't tolerate how she acts toward him. And he expects any different? It's really ironic how he can admit that he deserves all this but refuses to accept it.<P>Keep your chin up, ATW. You're gonna be just fine!<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P><BR>