I have been married to my wife for 2 and a half years. We've had our hard times, but nothing major other than some heated arguements. We also have a son who is a little over a year.
Three weeks ago, my wife, Megan moved out. She left a note saying that she is tired of doing everything around the house (I am currently in Grad School, so I am hardly home), and that I need to make her my first priority. She only took the things that she brought to the marriage and even left a number of things that I feel would be sentimental to her (college and high school memorabelia).
I have never seemed to connect with Megan's parents since we have been married. Anytime I am around them, I feel like an outsider and since we've had the baby it has gotten worse. Within the past year we moved about 1/2 hour from her Parents so her mother could be close to the baby. It has been a power struggle ever since we have moved here. I feel like it is Megan, her mother (who has admittedly said many a mean thing about me) and her father (who told me that I am not part of his family). Ever since the delivery date of the baby, megan's mother has tried to take over parenting. She even told me when he was born that I should leave because it is the duty of the mother and grandmother to care for the baby. When I bring these issues up to Megan, she doesn't defend me and even tells me just to let it go. This, to me, has been the biggest struggle we've had in our relationship and I feel they are the motivating force to why she moved out and will not talk with me.
Anyway...back to the original topic. Megan is currently staying at her parents house. She made a number of small demands to move back in 6 months to include counseling 2x per month. She said that is the only time she would talk to me. It has been three weeks now and even though the counselor told us to talk for 45-60 minutes one night per week, she is done at about 15-25. She still wears her wedding rings and the counselor told me that she expressed no desire to terminate the marriage, she just needed things to change.
I moved here accepting the fact that I knew noone and had no bonds to the area. I did it to try to make my wife happy. Megan still (three weeks later) refuses to talk to me and I feel very alone and abandoned. I have been reading books and a number of articles on this website to try to understand how she is feeling but I feel like I'm the only one trying here. I almost feel like I am being played the fool or "being let off easy". I don't know what to do. Her parents refuse to let me talk to her if I call and Megan refuses to talk to me. I miss her and the baby very much and need some advise on what to do.

-Mike

Dear Mike,

Your situation seems pretty clear. Everyone is against you. But the approach to a solution is less than obvious.

It seems to me, in my experiences with fathers of my girl friends and wife of 28 years, that each one took a different approach. Frankly, I took the wrong approach often, in retrospect. I took the lessons from the last Dad, and applied those lessons to the next Dad, except that they were totally different individuals, in totally different situations.

Let us realize that we do not know who may be the ring leader, but it seems if you could choose either the mother or the father, and get one of them to agree to be neutral, that that would give you a chance with your wife and the other parent, in a more even battle.

It seems that the father might be an easier target. Can you call him at his work? Can you meet him for dinner or lunch? Is there a lodge to which he belongs, or group of friends or professional acquaintences that you could get someone on your side?

Let's work on you. Let's assume that there is some self-improvement course that you could take, that would make you a magically irresistable, likable person. Assume that there is one element, that was not taught in college, that was overlooked in your upbringing, that you are missing.

For no charge, there is a 200 question personality test offered by Scientology, which will indicate which of the several $200 self-impprovement courses you should take. Once you know which course they recommend, you can look for other self-impprovement course providers, and determine which one you wish to utilize.

I just paid out $1800.00 for my 25 year old son to take a Dale Carnegie Course. My son's attitude was totally self-defeating, and he was totally unaware of it. He has improved his people skills considerably over the 14 weeks. I took Silva Method ($350), and that helps to tune in to what people actually are feeling.

Join the Masonic Lodge in town. That should shift your power structure. Provides some secret Chatacisms also. Even the Volunteer Fire Department.

Find out who Dad depends upon, and get something on them, and become best buddies with who Dad needs for friends.

You may need to cut back on some hours at school for a while, until you get your power structure set up.

Once you have Dad neutralized, then you can work on charming MOM. Just start buttering her up. She is the greatest grandmother ever, etc. Your son is so lucky to spend as much time as possible with Grandma, etc. Who cares.

Then start letting your wife know about PTS/SP, (Scientology course, $225.00) or how to handle pushy persons. Basically you figure out ways to avoid engaging them in arguments or even discussions, and find a way to make them always right, and just let them have all their opinions, but just leave you alone.

Have your marriage counselor show your wife how to shine her parents on, and to be independent of their opinions, coercion and escalations.(Patterson 1987).

Best wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling.

<small>[ August 26, 2003, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>

Your situation sounds very difficult and confusing. A parent cannot help but protect their children at any age.

The fact that your wife wants councelling is very promising. I do not agree with involving her mother and father, but she may need the support right now.

The question you need to ask yourself is: why does she want to leave? Is there any kind of abuse (emotional or physical)?

Read the "angry outbursts" and "selfish demands" section of the MB site. The golden rule in marriage is to avoid anything that makes your spouse unhappy...

By all means stick with the councelling and encourage her to read thru the MB site. Good luck...