My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Have 2 kids. He plays this computer game alot. Well there is this website regarding this game. I found a post on it that I thought was disrespectful to me. He never mentioned my name, nor did he say on this site that he was married. The posters were posting their Avatars (pictures), all in fun. One guy posted Tom Cruise as his picture, another Brad Pitt. Well this one girl posted a picture that looked like a real person, not a movie star. She had large breasts, which she wrote a few funny things about. My husband commented on them like Wow! and can I have a feel? The other guy in his office commented similarly. I couldn't believe my husband would say such a thing to a person he never met! He said it was all in fun, that she had in fact posted her real picture a long time ago, and he knew that that was not her. He did it as a joke, to get laughs from the other posters. I thought it was pretty sick. He sees nothing wrong in it. Just a goof. I also found out that he ate lunch at Hooters a few times in the past month. He says again I am overreacting. He says lots of married guys eat there. The guys in his office whom he eats lunch with everyday, are 15+ years younger than he is. I feel as if they are influencing his behavior, and making him act so immaturely. He has never given me any reason to not trust him until now. I mean he goes to work, comes home on time etc. But just reading that post and him telling me where he ate lunch made me sick to my stomach. Am I just a super jealous wife, or is this normal?

Dear Jackie,

The question you ask is are you over-reacting. I suggest another way to phrase a question, "What is the best reaction?"

I am studying a parenting book Patterson, 87, and I am finding a number of things I could have done better, earlier. My son is now 25, living at home, going to college, so I have a little second chance. Chadd.org has a parenting and shool message board, $45.00 per year. Let him post there about how he is doing great with his kids.

Just trying to find good habits to build in teenagers, and building responsiblity and ready compliance with legitimate instructions, is quite a challenge. If you can involve your husband in finding positive strokes for the youngsters, you may have less to worry about from the competition.

You might inventory the kitchen and the marital bedroom, and see if you have some room for negotiating. Starting a downward spiral of criticism and secrecy may not be the best track.

I would suggest getting some massage instruction tapes from the inernet. Esalen comes to mind. Get some hot tapes, and keep them under your lock and key, so that wild images are part of your marital experience.

I had a short thread with sikorka, 29732, in Resolving Conflict, IS THERE A CHANCE, 8-26-27-03, if you are interested in bedroom enhancing ideas.

I can't predict the future. I can tell you that creating an unpleasant atmosphere in the house and bedroom, is probably not the best way to approach the situation. You might want to make your requests thusly, "I would appreciate your minimizing risque jokes, with you as a participant, on the internet, and minimizing trips to topless bars. If you refuse an invitation to a topless joint, let me know, because I have something special for you."

Best wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling

<small>[ October 10, 2003, 09:25 AM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>