my wife divorced me 38 days ago. her mother has a huge influence over her. she sends me so many mixed signals. she divorced me 20 days before our 2 year anniversary. she went to tampa anyway on the gift i bought for the occassion on our anniversary weekend. while there i grabbed her hand to hold it. she said that's what couples do so i let go. one hour later she took my arm and put around her neck. later that night she grabbed my hand and held it. we also made love that night(she initiated) and the next night (i initiated). then she told me she felt guilty because we weren't married anymore. she also told me that she just wanted to be friends and that she wanted to date other people. she divorced me partly because i wasn't a member of her church. she said she did not tell her family she went to tampa with me and that she never would. when we got back home we worked out together. i brought us up and she flipped out and said that i was pressuring her.(???) a few days later i told her i decided to get baptised in her church and asked if she would come. i thought that she would at least a little happy. she wasn't. she called me after i left and told me that she needed to be completely honest if i was going to join her church. she said i don't love you and i don't want to ever get back together. i went back and we made love again the next morning. after which she said she felt guilty because she was trying to get right with God. i told her i didn't want to see her again. she sounded astonished. i did not speak to her for 5 whole days. she called me to tell me to pick up my mail and that we had an offer on our house. she also chit-chatted with me. on sunday i offered to put my half of the house note in the mailbox. she said "no". come inside and hang out. she was wearing her wedding band on the right hand. i told her it was on the wrong hand. she said "why would i wear it on my left hand? you're not wearing yours." to her surprise i pulled my left hand out of my pocket and showed her that i was. i flirted with her (because i still very much love her and she knows this; she was usually the one initiating the flirting)and she flirted back. she asked if she could call me. my brother called her and told her she needed to tell me one way or the other. she was upset and said she didn't want to see me anymore and that we had no future. she said she was only trying to be my friend by flirting with me and inviting me in and the ring comment. what is her deal? does she still love me? is she leading me on? is she afraid she won't find anyone else? PLEASE HELP!!!!

Dear Mr. Ves,

What may be causing the unpredictable behavior of your wife?

You mentioned that your wife's mother had undue influence over her. Do you have a plan for handling that?

What about people in her church? Are there individuals who are on and off able to influence her in an overbearing manner?

What are the apects of your power relationship with your wife?

She is 6 years older than you, is she toying with you?

Basically, when my wife seems to get wandering ideas, I try to give her more attention.

If I run into disrespect, I storm off, and come back afer I cool down.

What self-improvement courses have you done together?

What does you wife think about kids? How are your genes? Is your wife ready to have kids? What abvout you? What about pets?

What are your options for making things better?

You seem to give a lot of weight to the divorce. Why not pretend it didn't happen, and start doing your rooster thing and getting your wife into line?

Tell her what you want her to do. You want her to sleep at your house with you. Act married. Don't worry about distactions. Practice on an inanimate object. "Tree, move over ten feet, Now." You need to build up some command intention. I feel like your power is weak.

Post back if you want to get specific.

Best wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling