So H is hanging out with OW in a hotel here in town for 2 weeks while they try to figure it out. OW is here till 9/9. We're on Plan B. I expect an answer from H on 9/9 about his decision and he knows that. <P>But life goes on so I decided to do some yard work this morning. (H couldn't start the lawnmower if he had to). Thought some heavy labor would get my mind off of it. No luck. <P>Had two really conflicting thoughts... <BR>My two biggest fears: The first - what do I do if he comes to me on 9/9 and says he wants OW? The second - what if he comes to me on 9/9 and says he wants me? The second fear is almost greater than the first!!! What is THAT all about?

Maybe your fear is that you are allowing him to decide YOUR future?<P>You are in plan B. Is that because you cannot do plan A anymore? Focus on you - not him. At this point, you should not be focusing on what HE decides on 9/9. <P>This is about giving you time, to find out what YOU want????

roberta,<P>I have to agree with trustntruth. You are scared because everything in your life hinges on this 9/9 date and what his answer will be.<P>Those two questions you asked -- answer them for yourself. Figure out a plan either way, whatever answer there is. Be prepared for both. Just don't wait around. <P>--andy

I agree, too. It is a control issue. Did you tell H you would wait for his answer? Does he expect that you will accept him back?<P>You are not to blame for this mess, but you are accountable for your own life. It is doubtful that your H has your best interest in mind, so I would suggest you would take back the control and decide for yourself.<P>If you are willing to take him back on 9/9...I would suggest you have a set of conditions or a plan you are comfortable with or let a counselor help you set the ground rules.<P>My heart goes out to you.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Thanks for your comments: We are in Plan B. H knew we would end up there if he had face to face contact with OW. They have been continuting to correspond since I found out (8/8) and have been in Plan A since H went distant (way back in May but before I found this site). Shes from another country, so face to face contact has only happened once since they met in May and now she showed up last week. <P>I told him I'm excepting a decision. I didn't say I was 'waiting' for his answer. Also told him that I was moving on with my life. Tried to make the distinction so he didn't think/feel he had all the control. Since I've been so focused on Plan A, and now B (but doing it loveingly) it was a shock to my system when I realized that he 'might' chose me. And i "might" not want that. So that's where a big part of the fear comes in. And no matter what happens on the 9th, it will be hard. I can see that from here already. <P>We don't have kids. The house is in my name (bought it before we got married). Started making a list last night of what I get if he comes back (must have been in a BAD mood). All I could come up with was : cook, sex, and some conversation. <P>THanks for letting me vent.