I've written in other discussions about my problem but now I need help for my solution. I have hurt my wife deeply with my uncaring words and behaviour at a time when I should have been most nurturing and affectionate. We ended up having an abortion because I was traumatized by joblessness and her difficulty in getting over an old flame. When we discovered she was pregnant she wanted to start all over and professsed love for me...but my mind was clouded with the other stuff I mentioned and I asked her to have an abortion...went back on that but she saw my initial anger and decided to have the abortion. I have not properly sought forgiveness for my insensitivity and she bears great pain from that episode. That led to other insensitive acts on my part (not paying attention to her, just selfish acts of a temporarily disillutioned husband). Now she speaks to me but I know she hurts inside.

I have formulated a plan, I will express to her all the ways I can think of that I have hurt her emotionally and ask for her forgiveness. I know she will say she can't forgive me the first time but I must look for the meaning beyond the words...that she is not prepared to forgive so easily, she needs to see change in my attitude and behaviour...what do I tell her when she says I can't forgive you? Do I say that I know it's hard and I don't expect her to forgive me so easily and to judge me by my actions? When do I seek forgiveness again? A week? I know that a great deal has changed inside me and I want to show her that, prove that to her...how do I go about doing this?

It's really hard, I talk to her regularly (she overseas on a project, coming back this Sunday...she wouldn't have gone for this lengthy project, 1 month, had she not been so hurt by me) but I sense the distance between us. To my loving heart this is the most painful torture anyone could ever conjure up. I feel my tears welling up after every conversation but I force them down. I have nobody in our family to speak to because abortion is taboo in our family. I know I have to be patient and I realize I am reaping the poisoned rewards of my own wrong behaviour...but it's really tough to deal with it on your own.