I got married in March 03 and had a baby in August 03. I know that the first year is supposed to be rough but my husband and I fight all of the time. Mostly, it is because he refuses to spend much time with the baby in the evening because he feels that he has worked all day and deserves to watch TV all night. Also, he gets too frustrated with him (the baby). However, my bigger problem is that he refuses to see that we are having trouble and will not seek counseling, much less talk to me about things. He becomes extremely defensive when I tell him that the way he behaves towards me or speaks to me is upsetting and tries to make me feel bad about even suggesting that he is doing anything wrong! My husband chased me for 6 years while I was in college and grad school and it seems that now that we are married, he refuses to put out any effort into caring for me or making me feel like he is happy or that I am happy. I need help dealing with my unhappiness with my marriage and dealing with a selfish man who cares little it seems about my feelings or well being.

Dear EinNC

You've come to the right place.

Sorry to hear about your troubles with your H. I am not going to delve right into giving any advice other than to ask you to do a lot of reading on this site. Also, take time to purchase some of the books that are recommended by this site's posters. I myself have read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. There are several books here that can give you personal assistance for your situation.

If your H isn't willing to make things better do your best to be the perfect spouse and be attentive to his needs. If your young your H may be a bit immature and might not be in a place to be attentive to infants. This doesn't mean he won't grow to be a wonderful father.

Also I would highly recommending you post your concerns on the Emotional Needs section of this Forum. This section doesn't get quite the volume and you will probably get an immediate response up there.