My wife was abused physically, mentally and sexually as a child and into her teen years...spent years in abusive relationship after abusive relationship, and now I see very clearly how these issues affect our marriage which has been rocky and founded in betrayal and mistrust (both on her part). My question is...how can I help her or get help for her when she doesn't see her own dysfunctions, is in denial, and blames me for all her issues? She refuses to go to counseling and when we have gone, she basically accuses me of somehow manipulating this well educated counselor into believing only my side of things. Also, I find that I have actually manifested some 'abusive' traits in myself that are evident when we fight. I was never like this...why have I changed? How can I stop this?...I have too many holes in my walls and I'm afraid that soon it won't be the walls that I'm hitting. We have 2 children who witness things I don't want them too. We all need help...I will go to counseling on my own, but I need my wife to be with me...I love my family and it feels like we are hanging on by a thread sometimes. Help!

<small>[ February 12, 2004, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: Rainie ]</small>

I hate to get too personal...but what did it take for you to 'understand' and 'accept' the hurtful truths you had been denying for so long? This must occur before she (my wife) is willing to seek help. I cannot nor will not be passive about this. I refuse to allow this to go on because of our children. At some point she must 'grow up' and start facing the issues at hand.

<small>[ February 13, 2004, 01:09 AM: Message edited by: Rainie ]</small>