Where do I start. Me and H, have been together for 8 years. 3 children, house, dog, cat, the whole 9. The other night, H informs me that his old falme, out of the blue, called him to let him know that she was now divored, and wanted the scoop on him. He told her he was married had children, and he says that he hung up with her right away. The reason, why he decided to tell me was because it was bothering him. How, my husband told me was what bothers me. He refered to the call as an "offer". He admitted it was tempting. And with this conversation, it has opened up so many topics, in our marriage, that we are going to work on. What also bothers me is that 2 weeks before he told me, we were on the verge of separation. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave, knowing she was now available. But he can not see himself being away from the kids, and raise her child and be able to live. The night of the conversation about the call, I told him, if he wanted her to go with her, I would rather see him happy with her than to be here miserable with me. He said NO. That's not what he wants, he wants us, to be happy, but says that sometimes, he doesn't see that happening either, I need anyone to PLEASE HELP ME. I have read the basic concepts form MB, and believe that me and H have done way too many love bank withdrawals from our accounts, leaving this empty feeling we have, but have put off for a long time. What is so wierd about this, is for the last month, before this happened, I had told a friend of mine, that I fear that one day, H is going to come home and tell me he has fallen in love with someone else. I just had no way of working on anything, until I read MB concepts. I am trying to do this right. There are days like today, were I think he doesn't want to work at it. I am altering my ways, but what about his?

Keep doing what you have read to do, and keep looking for answers because they are out there. I have tried this in my present relationship, she made the statement during a fight last year, that maybe she'd be better off going back to her ex-husband. She had a lot of stress in her life at the time and was desperate for relief. Manipulation comes in many forms, we often use it ourself without knowing it. What I did was gave her space, gave her what I wanted from her, not what I thought she wanted, and continued living my life as normal as I could. It wasn't easy, but things did change and improve.

alduns40

Thanks for the encouragement. I struggle with the feeling of insecurity. Alot of absurd things enter my mind, like is he at work, or meeting her somewhere. Every time the phone rings, I jump to it, I scroll all calls, to see if I see if she has called again. I don't like being like that. And when I try to work on us, sometimes, I feel like he is trying to ruin it. He has told me he doesn't want her, and is in a way turned off by the fact, that she failed in her marriage. But still, an old love like that, it was fun and careless, and I know that is what he wants. Who wouldn't. What did you do with you, while you gave her "space". See I'm afraid that the "space" will do more damage.

alduns40

Thanks for the encouragement. I struggle with the feeling of insecurity. Alot of absurd things enter my mind, like is he at work, or meeting her somewhere. Every time the phone rings, I jump to it, I scroll all calls, to see if I see if she has called again. I don't like being like that. And when I try to work on us, sometimes, I feel like he is trying to ruin it. He has told me he doesn't want her, and is in a way turned off by the fact, that she failed in her marriage. But still, an old love like that, it was fun and careless, and I know that is what he wants. Who wouldn't. What did you do with you, while you gave her "space". See I'm afraid that the "space" will do more damage. [/LIST]

I would suggest that you ask your husband to read HNHN and LB. At least he says he wants your marriage to work and be a happy one. That means that you have a better chance than many of us in here to make it work. Good luck, it will take work, but is worth it if you both want a happy marriage.