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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2 |
I have been married for almost 6 years now and hove seen our marriage go from great to not and I feel like it is getting worse. We both work full-time and have 2 kids (3 yrs & 8 mths). My biggest problem is that no matter what I do, he refuses to help me around the house. I have talked, asked, begged, cried, yelled, went on strike, and still nothing works. Now, it's to the point that I get really depressed and have no interest in him at all. Please give me some good advice, especially from any guys out there.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
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Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
Read, read, read.
Read the MBs principles on this site. Read His Needs/Her Needs. Read the 5 Love Languages.
Also post your questions on the Emotional Needs section it will get a lot more attention over there.
My first guess is there is more to this than just him refusing to do housework. How is the rest of your relationship? How does he do at meeting your other ENs and how are you doing at meeting his ENs?
Oh, I'm a guy by the way.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108 |
jvmswife
House work does suck and it is amazing that guys can ignore it and women can't.
Why don't you write him a bill. I know that if my W ever did that to me it would really piss me off, but maybe it will wake him up
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why don't you write him a bill. I know that if my W ever did that to me it would really piss me off, but maybe it will wake him up
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This isn't sound advice. If you're posting on this forum it is the assumption that you've read the principles of this site and are willing to follow their guidelines. This advice is a LoveBuster and LBs need to stop completely.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108
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Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108 |
I agree my advice can be a love buster, however, sometimes it takes getting hit with a 2x4 to get a message across to some people.
Negotiating may work.
"if you help me with this, we will have time to do that"
You really do need to figure out his EN's and make sure that you are doing your best to meet them.
Read His Needs Her Needs
Also make sure that you do avoid love busters.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 12 |
Hello JVMS:
Yes the book is good(Needs):
You get into a 'lifetime routine' and things CHANGE the way our business RELATIONSHIP works.
We forget how to WANT to impress eachother. I would suggest a little subtle bribery, you're a woman, you know how to get him by the jewels (I am serious)...it's GIVE & TAKE. A nice outfit, a tease, etc. Also there are other things that could morivate him to 'do things' (Does he realize that keeping the house in 'sellable shape' EVEN if you stay (in today's market) is like HIM sittin atop a GOLDMINE? Also, if he sees you BREAKIN your as$ doing a "man's?" work, he might get the message---also nowadays it's women's work too.
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