2 months ago, my H read my diary containing my thoughts of another man. (A casual acquaintence of both of ours.) I've never taken actions to meet or be with this man, but H treats it like he caught me in bed with the OM. I've tried to explain that a diary is a way for me to eliminate my strange thoughts and that I never planned to start an affair with OM. Now I feel like my privacy has been violated and although I'm not proud of my thoughts, I really didn't do anything wrong. He won't let this go. Our marriage is not the best but now it is worse.

JuliePoolie,

I know how he feels. A similar thing happened to me and it is a very hard thing to take when you find that your W has thoughts of another man.

It was devestating to me and I never completely got over it. I always did my best to tell my self it meant nothing but I had hard time trusting her since then. This would never happen to me. She would never do something like that. At least that is what I always thought.

1 thing that you should realize is that there should never be any secrets in a marriage. When you and H got married you became one. Therefore, he was not invading your privacy."Whats mine is yours whats yours is mine"

If you are having thought of another man then your H probably isn't meeting all of your EN's.

I recomend that you read all that you can on this site. Learn all that you can to build a strong relationship.

Read His Needs Her Needs.

You have the tools here to do a great thing for your marriage, use them

WIWH

WishIWereHome

Thank you for your honest response, I stumbled upon this site yesterday and so far have found many helpful ideas. I will continue to read and research and utilize the advice on this website.

I agree that Marriage is unity, but adamantly stick to the belief that people need privacy. If nothing else, this conflict has opened up some doors for discussion between my husband and me.

Julie

Julie,

You should take this as an oportunity to discover eachothers unmet EN's

There must be something about OM that stirred the thoughts. Most likely there is something about him that is meeting an EN that your H is not.

But make sure that you also discover EN's of your husbands that you are not meeting. Be carefull not to make it sound like you are blaming him for your thoughts.

WIWH

WIWH

I agree about the blame, the only person I truly blame is me. I'm the one with the thoughts, I'm the one who wrote them, and I'm the one who hurt my husband.

What the OM did was flirt with me. Nothing more to it. I guess the attention was what triggered the thoughts. What doesn't make sense is that H smothers me with attention. I am going to suggest that he and I study the information on this site (especially pertaining to our ENs)

Thank you for your clear (and kind) response.

Julie

Julie,

Read His Needs Her Needs. It is a great book that you and H should be able to relate to. All couple can relate to it in some way.

It sounds like you have your head on straight and are heading down the right path

Good luck to you and keep us posted

WIWH