Hi. I am new here, but this is my current situation:
I should be celebrating my 15th wedding anniversary this month, but who knows what will happen. During the past 6 years I have been pretty busy doing my own thing. I worked a full time job, a part time job, went to school full time and did craft shows on the weekend. Does this sound like a workaholic to you? 2 years ago I complete my schoolwork and gave up the part time job, but increased my weekend craft shows to almost every weekend. Did I mention that I incurred incredible debt in the name of the business and hid it from my husband? Well, I did it and now we are separated and during one confrontation with him, he told me that he thought that I would say or do anything to get out of the house and away from him! Although that was not my purpose, I can finally see how he would feel this way. Well, I did everything wrong after the initial confrontation - I begged, I pleaded, I swore that I had changed and even tried desparation sex and it only succeeded in pushing him farther away from me and into the separation. It has been almost 3 months now and we are in counseling, but he is not motivated to do anything the counselor suggests and says that he is angry and he is stuck, because he doesn't know how to get past the anger.
I have come to realize that my behavior is just as bad as if I had cheated on him, I was incredibly self-centered and arrogant to think that I could act this way and he wouldn't care - boy was I wrong! I really want our marriage to work, because deep down, I know that I really do love him and care about him. What else can I do to help things move along positively? Please help me!

Your marraige didnt get the way it is overnight, it will take time to repair the damage and make your husband believe in and love you again.
just kep showing him that you really do love him and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.....

good luck
cliff

Hello,

I think you did cheat on him. You cheated your husband out of a marriage for at least the past 6 years. He felt total rejection and humiliation that you apparently had no desire to be with him and wished to have an independent life. In addition, you withheld vital financial information from him that affected him and your marriage. The question is why should he believe anything you tell him now? I do not have answers but what would you expect him to feel. My guess is that his self-respect is shot and he feels numb and questions what is the point in trying to love someone who disrespected him for so long. It is sad it has taken you so long to see the light.

My suggestion would be to write letters to him and see if you can start doing things together to show him that you have changed. My guess is that he is probably thinking that the only reason you wish to stay together is for financial reasons. It is your job to show him that you really have changed. Unfortunately sometimes it just may not be enough. The question is how do you think you would be feeling if the roles had been reversed and what would it be that you would want? I wish you luck.