Hi all,
Separated, 4 kids 8 and under, living with m & d at age 39. M & D going to lake house to get away, kids going to Dads house fri6-sun (then church). Feb 1 started this sep, husband hit son on head hard more than once, supposedly grabbed 8 yr old by the neck. School ends June 17, slated to go back to controlling sit after that. Very negative there. Closer I get to the date, the more depressed I get. Very down now, eating everything in sight, crying a lot, moody, short-tempered. Biting nails to quick. Dad keeps tight watch on me and both parents frequently comment on how they would parent differently, tying to be helpful. I am so tired. Heading to bed. Single parenting (1st weekend since Feb that husband has taken kids for more than one night ). Am ambivalent about the obvious. Think about escaping the sit but that would be unfair to my kids who would wonder why they weren't good enough reason... well, you get my drift. am so tired. Can't seem to stop crying. Can't figure it out. will have baby w/ me of course. he has never kept her. don't like him. makes me feel unloved, like a pain in his neck. goota go before i fall asleep at the keyboard. just had to get that out there. feeling very alone. know someone will read this. somehow, just knowing someone will read this makes me feel heard. can't tell others. too much to say. thanks for "listening".