Your wife sounds like an alcoholic. I am married to a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Recovering because it is said that a person is always an addict and must maintain a regimen of recovery (12 steps, meetings). I divorced my first husband because the drugs and alcohol were changing him, making him more and more erratic and dangerous. If your wife is drinking daily and it is affecting her negatively (and the rest of you negatively), then a codependancy may be at work. It is very hard to address addictions because for one reason or another you were drawn to your lovely wife. But now you are interacting with a drug-her 'wet brain' is not really her, it is the alcohol. I hear it takes a full 30 days after stopping drinking that the person is clear of all the drugs in their system and can think clearly. So, don't be fooled into thinking your wife is capable of reasoning this out clearly. That's why they have interventions. An intervention may be necessary for her to get into in-treatment. The fact that your kids are afraid to be alone with her is a HUGE red flag. You owe it to your kids. They have already been cheated out of a normal home life, out of 2 wholly, healthy, invested parents. If it were just you and her, your response to simply leave would be understandable because you are so sick of dealing with the problem. (I still would say that you should do an intervention). The fact is, she may not be capable of helping herself. And your two kids are absolutely dependant on you (you didn't mention their ages, but I am guessing young) to deal with this problem. They can't. If you have been threatening to leave and you are feeling like you have to carry through to be believed, think about the fact that you are not dealing with a reasonable person, and that she isn't going to care whether you went through with your threat (it is not a question of power or leverage here-it is health). If the intervention works and she goes in for treatment, at least she will stand a fighting chance of recovery. From there, you will need counseling to deal with all the hurt and the issues. Your kids are counting on you to not bail. They are probably scared to death. They have (for all intents and purposes) lost one parent and they are scared you will leave them, too. Local churches are available for financial help and you probably have more resources available to you family and friend's-wise than you realize. Write a list and start researching who will help you with the intervention (what and how to do one) and how much stuff costs (in-treatment for a month or more, childcare-or who will help offset these costs/actually watch the kids while you work). It is going to make things harder for a time, then better. That's my best advice, based on life experience, an adult best friend with an alcoholic Mom, reading, Dr. Phil shows and personal interest. Get other people's feedback, weigh it, but please don't leave your kids in the care of an alcoholic. (As for your admission that you are partially to blame-why does that matter at present? We are all human and we all affect those around us, both negatively and positively at times. Now is your opportunity to help her.) God bless you.
