Last Thursday my wife told me that she was leaving and going to her mothers to stay for a while. She said she needed some time to think about our marriage. When she was talking, in her eyes it looked like she wanted to call it quits. Several things she said made me know this. I would like to know what to say to her so that I will not put any pressure on her. I have read the past two days about what is inside the books I ordered thru this web sight but there are no specific ideas or what to say. I have ordered the books from this web site. I know why she is not happy. I was not paying enough attention to her. I know this know. What can I say to her to let her allow me a chance to outwardly show my feelings and love to her? We have a 14 month old. I don’t want to ruin a potentionaly great family.

JB

Try posting on the general questions forum. There is much more traffic there. By the way, welcome to marriage builders.

The only thing you can do is work on changes in yourself. When you talk to her, do not LB, stay calm and upbeat.

Start reading about Plan A here. That is the place to start.

Hi Jberg

I think she is just using the attention thing as an opt out clause. I I'm been honest I think you should let her walk, let her see that the grass is not greener on the other side. She will soon learn that walking is the easy option, it takes a lot of work to make it right.

So let her walk, get on with your life, show her that yes you could make thing better, but if she is willing to walk then she does'nt really love you anyway. regards

2brntb

JBerg,
Just read your not on your wife going off to be at her mom's for a while.
She probably does need some time to think about things, but whatever you do DON"T break off all contact with her. Like Dr. H says "absence does not make the heart grow fonder" . She still needs to hear from you that you care from her and that you want to work on things to make them better. I sure wish my H had the incentive you have on making an effort. If anything at all goes wrong it's always left up to me to find some way back together and builds resentment big time. One thing I cannot stand, that will make me walk out the door quicker than anything is my H's silence in a situation.
Just keep hanging in there (like a wet sock on the line if you have to) and keep up positive communication with her. Steer clear of the enemies of converstaion and let her know where you stand on wanting to make things work.
Good Luck - Hope things go well for you!
JNB

Being a wife myself, I can tell you it's not what you say to her that will get her to change her mind...it's what you do. She knows that you love her but she needs to see it. It's the little things that we need. Get up with the baby. Run your wife a nice hot bath and keep the baby out for her to enjoy it. Cook dinner sometime. I don't know if you do these things or not. If you don't, try them.

Dear JB,
Just read your letter in regards to your wife wanting to go to her mothers to stay for sometime, dont give up. Your want to know what to say to her dont say anything do what you know is right call her daily to let her know that you are thinking about her, ask her out on a date and so forth. Let her know that you love her, post a little note on her car somewhere that she will not expect it but you know she will find it. Most of all if the reason that she is leaving is what you think tell her how sorry you are. Hope this helps some.

I find myself in the same position as the O/P's
wife. I have left my s/o(even went to my mothers) I just need some time to sort things out. Wow what great Idea's the previous posters
have given. Just let her know your still there,
notes, flowers, ect... just remember though once you start doing stuff like that you need to keep it up. Dont just do it to get her back and then go back to your old ways. Been there dont that it's just fake.