Hello,

I have a best friend of over 13 years that met someone over a year ago and are already talking about getting married. Here's where I am having the problem (as well as everyone around him except his GF and her mom)...

My friend is Christian Science and she is Catholic. He respects her beliefs, but it is clearly apparent that she doesn't respect his. In order for them to get married she demands he get baptized Catholic. To make this post short, I'll just say he has a hard time with some of the beliefs of the Catholics. He grew up Chirstian Science. He wants a non-denominational church and she says it MUST be in the Catholic church. His parents are also CS and he's got a major issue with doing this.

The other issue that drives me nuts about all this is that she requires him to spend at least $4k-$9k on a ring with a certain cut, color and clarity of diamond, which I just think is absolutely insane and selfish. For someone to have it all plotted out what kind of ring they want, they are obviously more material than anything. I guess "I love you" isn't good enough. The guy works retail and she makes damn near double what he makes and expects him to cough up that kind of money. It truly makes me sick and I've confronted him with it openly along with all his friends urging him to WATCH OUT. Oddly enough the gal is one of my wife's best friends... AND SHE'S TELLING HIM IT'S RIDICULOUS. Ridiculous meaning all this religious change and ring buying requirements. He's gotta do so much to make her happy and she hasn't done anything to change herself. It's like he's living life wrong or something. He's getting walked all over and I don't think he quite knows it.

I'm very concerned about his future with her. They get along wonderfully, but when it comes to religion, heads roll with her. He respects and honors her belief, but he just doesn't share the same thoughts on some issues, yet it drives her mad that he doesn't agree to the point where she'll go in the other room and shut the door on him.

It's just MESSED UP!!!!

Is everyone around him wrong to be worried about my best friend here? NO ONE literally NO ONE thinks this is a good idea except her and her mom on this whole thing. I think it's going too fast and he needs to put his foot down and not be so whipped. I think he fears he won't find another girlfriend again or something.

Not like they both are true to their religion anymore. Living in sin. He now drinks and takes medicine which is supposedly against Christian Science and of course she's living with him and has also had many partners in the past.

Anyway your thoughts would be greatly appreciated on this issue that is driving me nuts to see him go through.

Hi Ben,
Is there any way you can get your friend to come to MB? That could be a good first step.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is everyone around him wrong to be worried about my best friend here? NO ONE literally NO ONE thinks this is a good idea except her and her mom on this whole thing. I think it's going too fast and he needs to put his foot down and not be so whipped.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course you aren't wrong. This is a miserable marriage waiting to happen. And it's not a matter of being "whipped". It's a matter of bringing some enormous unresolved problems into a marriage. Problems that will NOT just go away, but will likely explode into a million other problems. If these things are so evident, just think of all of the other incompatibility and disrespect issues waiting to bloom.

Your friend is in love. You'll likely alienate him more and more as you try to convince to let go of something that feels so good. Accept that he's going to get married and tell him you found this great place for asking questions and preparing for marriage (and seeking advice after marriage). Get him on to this site and let him ask his own questions.
Your frustration is so understandable...and of course, there really isn't much you can do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
He'll probably marry this woman, spend money on her until he goes bankrupt, and she'll probably get tired of the lack of money and move on to someone who can better support her needs for financial support. That's a real need, btw. Most of us will see it as selfish and materialistic (esp. for someone who demands a $5,000 ring!), but it is a need. If he doesn't want to spend his life fulfilling that need for her, than he should make that decision now.

Smile

He won't post on here... I was hoping I could get other opinions for people to work with. The guy has been with her for only a year and things moved WAY fast in the beginning. He is whipped beyond our control. I think anything with a Vagina can tell him what and who to be. It really ticks me and all his friends around him off. I don't think he realizes what he's getting himself into...

He doesn't have to post. Just read.

If he won't even do that, then chances are he won't do diddly squat to educate himself about this decision. You can only do so much.

I've got a similar frustration. My brother moved across country and moved in with his gf after a month of dating. He had recently broken up with another girl he lived with for 3 years.
Everything I've learned at MB tells me this is a disaster waiting to happen. At least she's a nice girl. He won't listen to anyone or read anything. He's in love. He doesn't care what anyone else says or thinks about it. End of story.

So, sounds like you've already done your part. Let him do what he's going to do. Let him know that you care and if he ever needs you, you are there for him. Oh...and hope that he doesn't make you best man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Good luck,
Smile