To make a long story short We are almost 11 months into recovery and are doing pretty good. My problem is that I still obsess about My W's affair.<BR>In the last month I called OM's house four times with the intentions of telling him exactly what I thought. Each time I hung up because I chickened out. He is an ex-coworker of mine and a current co-worker of my W's. To make matters worse he is shacked up with my W's ex-best friend.<BR>Now the State Police have called and left a message that they have a warrant out for phone harrasment against my W and myself.<P>Boy it sure doesn't seem fair that you can cause so much destruction in my life and four hang up calls and I will be the one in trouble?<P>Any suggestions will be more than welcome.

dj,<P>My H and I are sitting here together going through the posts and yours touched us.<P>It is sad that you can't vent toward the person who changed your life so drastically, but the truth is that you can't. In my case, I was the betrayer with a co-worker and my H wants to come down to my job and beat the guys face in, and I understand how he feels since I was once the betrayed. However, he has to use his head. If he does that, he will end up in jail, or unable to ever come down to my job to see me, or worse... dead. He understands how you feel, and he wants you to know that even though it's difficult at this time, do this: pour yourself into something that can give you a sense of peace and devote yourself into making your marriage better. This won't happen if you're obsessing. Help is always there for you, just look for it and ask. We don't know if you're a Christian, but prayer works wonders. It's a rough road and H and I are both struggling still, but we believe this. Best wishes to you! PS Hope the OM doesn't press charges... that's terrible.

new_beginning,<P>I am a Christian and I have been praying my fool head off. At times I believe that is the only thing that has kept me halfway sane. I understand how your husband feels and have done pretty good myself I think. I also didn't want to wind up in jail. (especially since I work in the jail)<P>Sometimes things just catch up with you and you do STUPID things I guess. It could've been much worse since my W has no feelings for this chump now and I really want to take him out.<P>Thank you for your reply and support I wish you and yours the best.

DJ,<BR>I too have felt the need to find out who the OM is so I can go "knock" some sense into him. I've come to realize that yes I would feel better initially but afterward it just wouldn't have been worth it. I know it's easy for me to say because I don't know who or where the OM is but let it lie. Leave it alone and move on with your W. Good luck<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

DJ-do they have caller ID or some way of proving that it was you who called? I truly think if you explain the situation to the police you will not be in any trouble. would you? LOL-i chuckled when you said you work in the jail-what a place to get sent Hang in there-all will be fine. I too obsess over my H's affair-but I have known just shy of 13 weeks. It will always be there-today my H danced with me at home to the radio-and I asked him if he ever danced with the OW. Course, the smart guy that he is, he said NOPE!<P>Good luck on it all-<P>*heartache*