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#59524 06/16/04 05:28 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 3
H
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 3
Anyone have some ideas for me to get over the anger and resentment I am feeling towards my husband? He had a "date" with an employee and said it was "nothing to worry about" although he did lie to me so he could spend time with her and has continued to lie up until last week (and may still be lying but I haven't caught him again). He wouldn't go to see a marriage c. and became furious when I went on my own, he would only do one survey from this website and won't do any more and gets angry (although he tells me he is just frustrated with me because I am not "getting over" this) when I try to talk about my feelings. I am so angry now and full of rsentment that it is effecting everything else (especially my patience with the children) that all I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. I have run out of ideas that would help me and have no idea how we can make things right... he thinks sex is the answer but it's not!!

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1
J
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Posts: 1
Hi, Heart Broken.
My husband had an "emotional affair" for over a year; he had been distant for a year before that (told me he hadn't been happy for 20 of the last 28 years).I found out by accident. He did not end the affair until the end of last summer; I had thought he ended it mid-summer. Details, details.

My problem is somewhat similar to yours, in that he wants to forget it ever happened, and wants me to do the same. In fact, he refuses to talk about any of it. When I suggested that we don't have to talk about "her" (that was very,very difficult for me), but that we must talk about how to improve our relatiosnhip, he turned off. He thinks that if we just "go along for a while", things will improve. There is absolutely NO discussion of our relationship.

In the meantime, I feel myself drifting away because of the complete, total lack of exchange. I have no idea as to what to do, except to go back into counseling on my own. We had been doing couples counseling, but he stopped going last summer, telling me he was fine.

This is very lonely, isn't it...

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 3
H
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 3
Hi Jersery2
We have had many talks and my H is finally going to a marriage c with me. (After many arguements about this and my withdrawal from him). I am very scared as to what I may find out but not knowing is more scary! Today (Father's Day) we had a nice family day but I became very anxious when I realized we were not far from OW's apartment (about 4 blocks away). While walking through the park, I again noticed how handsome my husband is and it really hit me how easy it is to lose him. He could meet someone new or go back to his other friend (I know he misses her because he needs her help at work and he can't call her to ask her questions because I will freak out big time. I am in agony over so I am working as hard as I can to try and ward off these bad feelings, but my mind is jsut running at high speed. I am still not convinced that he is not in touch with her, and I want proof beyound any shadow of doubt. I finally talked to his brother (only person he is close to) and he did not know about our "problem" but told me to stop snooping because I will just drive myself crazy... but not snooping and trying to guess did he call her or did she call him is really driving me crazy. I am not as angry as I was but it is just under the surface all the time. I hope by going to see a marriage couseller will help us. He only made the appt when he was really angry and wanted to prove he could "do the right thing"... I only hope he will truely open up and I will go with an open mind and see how things go. A friend told me not to focus on how we got the appt but the fact that we are going, I hope she is right.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2
M
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Posts: 2
Heartbroken,
I have read your posts...what a difficult time for you...

I hope the counseling goes well. I recently started my own personal counseling to help me deal with my anger over two incidents involving my wife and other men. Without detailing the whole stories, one was when we were dating seriously (she met up with an old lover and had him spend the night...suppposedly no sex) and another was when we were married and a man was showing up in my home to see her almost daily (again, supposedly no sex). Both were emotional affairs that made me feel like crap and still linger with me after 20 years.

Hope you are doing better...


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