I have been married for just about one year and my wife and I are having serious problems with addressing finances. We were very independent people before we married and unfortuanetly have seperated our finances. I make more money than she does and am responsible for 80% of the expenses (i.e. majority of rent, home insurance, gas, electic, cable, internet, health and life insurance). She is only responsible for a quarter of the rent and the home telephone. Well we are want to have our 1st child soon, and we were discussing who should be responsible for the necessary initial expenses of having a child (i.e. insurance, furniture, etc.). She is upset because she feels that I should pay for majority of everything when in fact she currently has more money than I do. And I disagree. I think we should do it equally. Can someone give me advice on how I should address this matter?

Just something for you to think about: Whose body is going to be carrying the baby...can you do that equally? Sometimes you have to make adjustments to circumstances. Yes both of you will have the baby to share but she is the one who will be pregnant. Don't squabble over finances now instead look to the future. The best gift you can give your child is your relationship with your wife. Also if she decides to nurse (which I thought was a wonderful bonding experience) she will still be giving of her body. Try to find some balance and ejoy your family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We were very independent people before we married and unfortuanetly have seperated our finances.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now that it has become more difficult to keep the finances separate and you will come to depend on each other more as parents, would you consider combining your finances?

I don't believe there is ever enough money for a child because there is so much to consider. Money woes is the hardest aspect in a marriage, and I am currently living through a huge stress about it now. My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old son. We have a joint account and then we have our seperate account too where our pay checks go into and then disbursed from there for all the bills. My husband makes more money than I do and he always complains that he doesn't have any money because most of his money goes to bills and I am the one who has the money to pay for groceries and the little stuff. He cashes checks from our joint account for every day expenses and it makes me mad because any extra money there could be used for paying the bills or just keeping it there for emergency purposes.
My suggestion to you on that note would be to try to seperate your expenses right down the middle now as much as possible while still trying to keep a little money for yourself.
I hope this helps and gives you some insight.
Thanks, let me know as I could use a little help myself.

Perhaps you can reconsider how you split the bills. You make more than your W and pay 80% of the bills. What if you each pay according to how much you make? If she makes 1/4 the total household income, then she is responsible for 1/4 of the bills, child included.

My H and I married in our late 30s, so it took some time to combine our finances. Have you considered depositing the majority of your paychecks into a joint account and pay household bills from that? Then you could each keep a set amount in your separate accounts.

I think you should start to think about a joint account. Marriage is a partnership based on absolute trust in every aspect, finances included. It's OK to be independant, but there has to be sharing too. A partnership has nothing to do with 'who makes more'. I honestly feel (my opinion) that things will just get worse if you are constantly bickering about who owns what percentage of everything. If she lost her job, or became ill and couldn't earn any money would you support her, or would you just say "You can't pay your share of the rent, so you'll have to move out"....of course, you would support her, otherwise the whole situation just gets ridiculous doesn't it?

My solution would be to start a joint account and have both your wages go into it. Pay all your bills (including food, vacations, baby costs) out of the joint account. Budget a certain personal 'allowance' for each of you each month, so you don't have the problem of having to ask each others permission for money to spend on personal/hobby items, and so that you retain a measure of independance.

Best wishes, Paintbox

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Paintbox ]</small>