My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. He has always told me that if I ever had an affair he would leave me and that would be it. About 6 years ago at a time in our marriage while we were going out to clubs and partying and my husband never dancing with me or paying attention to me and after some problems in our marriage and fights about sex, money etc.. I had a one time affair with a man that I worked with, he then left my place of employemnt and we never saw each other again yet at times he would e-mail me and say Hi or just forward a joke etc.. I had no desire to ever see him again and did not and realized that what I did was the stupidest thing ever, what was I thinking, I would never leave my husband for this guy but he made me feel good, we had a friendship that different and at times I actually could not stand this man, but he paid attention to me. I hid this for 6 years and pushed it down so deep inside me becasue I knew I could nver tell my husband because he would leave and I loved him dearly and did not want that to happen, I pushed this so far down inside me I guess it was like I almost convinced myself that it never happened. Anyway about a year and a half ago my husband found out and confronted me. He knew something was up but not what had happened, he told me that he loved me and if I told him the trth he would forgive me. So I told him the truth and he was devastated which I understand, he indicated that he wold probaby need counseling to get through this and I said I would do whatever I could to help him. He never went for counseling and asked me to have sex 2 weeks later and it was very intimate sex, at that time our daughter was 6 months old and we continued on for the next year and a half soemtines it would bother him and somethimes it would not, I could usually tell when it did. THings seemed tobe OK, we continued to make love, better than ever before, he continued to tell me he loved me and send me cards etc and then last week all of a sudden BAM, he decided that he had to leave me and he could not forgive me. A year and a half he led me on and I asked him how he could sleep with me tell me he loved me and do loving things and all of a sudden decide he could not forgive me?? He said he thought he could but he could not and that allot of the times he was telling me he loved me and doing these nice things with me he was just trying to convince himself that he still loved me and could forgive me. I begged him to go to counseling and he refused. I tried to tell him why I did what I did and he did not care, he would not go to counseling together becasue he said he was not going to let some person told him that he had any part of why I cheated. He still refuses to accept any responsibility. Well now he has agreed to go to counseling for himself to try and see if he can learn to forgive, and says he will go with an open mind but always throws in the " But I really don't think it will work" He says that there is even a part of him that does not want to forgive him. He says he does not hate me and does not want me to hurt but he bly loves me like a sister right now. He has many issues with his childhood that have been left to fester over the 30 years he has been alive and I think that they have allot to do with his unability to forgive me for this. Please tell me if there is any hope?? What can I do?
