I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS ANY EXPERIENCES DEALING WITH STEP CHILDREN,I AM CURRENNTLY IN A SEPERATION STAGE OF OUR MARRIAGE,
WE HAVE 4 KIDS COMBINED, AGES 23,21,18,18
THE OLDEST HAS LIVED ON HER OWN FOR 2 YEARS AND THE SECOND OLDEST IS CURRENTLY IN COLLEGE,THE TWO YOUNGEST LIVE AT HOME WITH US.
THE PROBLEM ARISES IN HAVING SEPERATE RULES FOR ONE CHILD AND ONE SET OF RULES FOR THE TWO REMAINING KIDS.
MY WIFE HAS RENTED A APARTMENT WITH HER DAUGHTER AND FINALLY TOLD ME A WEEK LATER, 2 DAYS LATER 16 PEOPLE SHOWED UP TO REMOVE HALF THE FURNITURE AND THIER BELONGINGS, NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS DEVESTATED,HAVE BEEN FOR THREE WEEKS NOW,
MY WIFE IS TELLING EVERYONE THAT IT IS A MUTUAL SEPERATION, I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND THAT COMMENT AS I WANT NO PART OF A SEPERATION.
HER DAUGHTER BORROWS THINGS FROM OTHERS IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT ASKING AND LOSSES THE ITEMS NEVER TO BEEN SEEN AGAIN, SHE IS DIRESPECTFUL TO OTHERS IN THE HOUSE AND ALSO TO HER MOTHER.
I KNEW GOING INTO THIS 6 YEARS AGO THAT IT WOULD HAVE IT'S CHALLENGES. BUT I NEVER EXPECTED IT DO BE THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF MY LIFE, BEING A STEP PARENT THAT IS.
I HAVE ATENDED COUNSELLING TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES WITH MY STEP DAUGHTER BUT I CAN'T RESOLVE THE ISSUSE BY MYSELF,
I NEED A LITTLE HELP FROM MY WIFE AND MY STEPDAUGHTER, ANY THOUGHTS WOULD BE GREATLY EXCEPTED

So, the reason that your wife moved out is because you two don't agree on each other's children's behavior? Or is it just you not agreeing w/her child's behavior? What was the final straw for her to move out? I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle in order to answer.

I am a stepparent, one being a teenager. My hubby & I are separted right now (I moved out.) I would like to help. Please fill me in a bit more.

THEN ONE PERSON'S BEHAIUOR IS UNEXEPABLE AT ANY AGE THIS ONE IS I8,EXAMPLE, THE KIDS ARE COMING HOME AT ALL HOURS ON SCHOOL NIGHTS EXCEOTIOS TO THE RULES AR IF THEY ARE WORKING LATE.
WE HAVE A FAMILY DICUSSION ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT TO LET THEM KNOW AND RENIND THEM THET HAVE SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY S A 11 CURFEW IS PUT IN PLACE ,
THE NEXT NIGHT OUR (17 YEAR OLD GIRL WANTS TO SEE HER BOYRIEND OF 22 YEARS OF AGE, SHE WANTS TO GO OUT A 10:40, SHE MANIPULATSHER MOM INTO LETTING HER STAY OUT TILL 1:30AMTHESE ARE ONLY A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE PROBLEM AREAS CAN'T FOCUS RIGHT HNOW AS I HAVE TAKEN A SLEEPING PILL AND IT IS KICKING IN BIG TIME SEE YOU SSON

Well that example you gave would really make me angry too. I am fearful of having kids w/my husband for that same reason...different rules for different kids. Right now if he lets his teen come home at 1:30am when she is out with her 22 y/o boyfriend, and her curfew is 11pm, then I voice my opinion. After that, I figure it is his kid & he can deal w/her how she pleases & I am stuck w/it.

Do you want your wife back? Is the situation w/the kids the main reason why she left? Or is there more?

I LOVE MY WIFE WITH ALL MY HEART, SOMETIMES THAT ISN'T ENOUGH, THE STRESS FROM DEALING WITH HER DAUGHTER HAS TAKEN A GREAT TOLL ON OUR MARRIAGE.
SOMETIMES DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES NEVER HAS A COMPRIMISE TO THEM, I ALWAYS FELT THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE AS RESOLVING THE PROBLEMS IS NEEDED.
MY STEPSON HAS CHOSEN TO REMAIN HERE WITH ME AND THAT IS OKAY, HE RESPESCT OTHERS IN THE HOUSE AND THEIR BELONGINGS, HE ALSO RESPECTS THAT THERE ARE RULES, IQ: CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, COME IN AT A RESPECTED TIME,HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE.
AS FAR A S YOUR COMMENT ON WORRYING ABOUT HAVING KIDS WITH YOUR HUSBAND,DON'T IT IS A WONDERFULL THING AS WELL, THERE IS NO MANUAL TO OPEN ON CERTAIN CHAPTERS THAT APPLY TO THE AREA OF CONCERN,IT IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE AS YOU GO AND GROW.
BEING A STEPCHILD IS DIFFICULT AS WELL, YOUR EXPETED TO RESPECT SOMEONE ELSES RULES AND MORALES.
BEING A STEPFATHER IS ALSO DIFFICULT, BEING A FATHER IS NOT SOMETHING NEW TO ME I HAVE 2 KIDS
THAT I RAISED ON MY ON SINCE THEY WERE 11 SON.
15 DAUGHTER , THEY ARE NOW 18 AND 22.
THERE ARE OTHER AREAS OF CONCERN THAT BOTH MY WIFE AND I HAVE IN THE CONTEXT OF OUR MARRIAGE,
UNFORTUNETLY WE HAVE BUILT UP WALLS AROUND OURSELVES BECUSE OF UNDEALT ISSUSES INVOLVING OUR STEP DAUGHTER,SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN'T SEE THE OBVIOUS EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS US IN THE EYES.
MY STEPSON HAS SPOKEN ABOUT THIS AREA OF CONCERN DEALING WITH HIS SISTER AND HE HAS FELT FOR ALONG TIME THAT SHE MANIPULATES HER MOTHER INTO GETTING HER OWN WAY,I'M REALLLY GLAD I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT SEES THIS HAPPENING ON A DAILY BASIS.
WHEN MY WIFE CAME TO PACK UP HER THINGS AND SPLIT OUR BELONGINGS, MY STEP DAUGHTER WAS WITH HER SINGING AND HUMMING SONGS, SHE ALSO DREW LITTLE PICTURES ON THE BOXES AS THEY PACKED THEM.
LIKE I SAID EARLIER SOMETIMES WE ARE BLIND TO THE TRUTH. BYE FOR NOW KB

I fortunately have a great relationship w/my 17 y/o step-daughter (and my other step child for that matter). Issues that I have are more w/my husband & raising kids than my step-daughter. In fact, I have wondered if we divorced, if she would choose to live w/me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I appreciate your thoughts on us having kids. I just want that "perfect family" like everyone else. I don't see it happening w/my hubby though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Anyway, is your step-daughter graduated from high school? Or just starting her senior year? What I'm getting at, is she going away for college soon? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> What are your thoughts on that? I can't imagine your wife moving out though, if this was the main problem & her daughter is moving out soon.

MY WIFE AND I DISCUSSED THE FACT THAT SOONER OR LATER SHE WILL BE GOING TO COLLEGE,
SHE HAS FINISHED HER SENIOR YEAR AND HAS CHOSEN TO ATTEND A COLLEGE WITHIN A 10 MINUTE DRIVE,
I DON'T WISH TO HAVE THE PERFECT FAMILY, I DO EXPECT EVERYONE THAT LIVES HERE TO RESPECT THE OTHER PEOPLE AND THIER BELONGINGS,CALLING YOUR OWN MOTHER A #@$%#*& *&^%$ IS NOT APPROPIATE.
HAVING THE DISCUSSION WITH MY WIFE ABOUT HER DAUGHTER LEAVING HOME SOON IT NOT AN ANSWER BUT REPRIVE SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD,MY STEP DAUGHTER MAY HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUSES WHEN DEALING WITH MEN, FATHER FIQURE OR NOT.
PUSHING ASIDE THESE ISSUSES WOULD PROBABLY BE OKAY, BUT THEY SPELL SO MUCH TROUBLE FOR EVERYONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE THAT I DON'T WANT MY OWN SON LEAVING BECAUSE OF THIS PROBLEM.
MY STEPSON HAS A REAL PROBLEM WITH DEALING WITH HIS SISTER AND MOM, HIS SISTER BASICALLY GETS HER OWN WAY REGARDLESS OF THE CONSEQUENCES IT HAS ON ANYONE ELSE.SHE CAN MANIPULATE HER MOM SO SO SO WELL.THEN THATS WHEN THE PROBLEM COMES IN THAT INSTEAD OF HER DEALING WITH THE ISSUSES OF HER DAYGHTER SHE TAKES HER ANGER ON OTHERS, INCLUDING HER OWN SON. SHE CAN SAY SOME VERY HURTFULL THINGS,IQ: STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR FATHER YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT.
THERE IS A LOT OF OTHER ISSUSE INVOLVING MY STEPDAUGHTER'S BEHAVIUOR, MY WIFE HAS BEEN IN 2 MARRIAGES AND 4 COMMON LAW RELATIONSHIPS IN THE LAST 13 YEARS, I HAVE OCCUPIED 6 YEARS OF THOSE.
SOME TIMES ARE KIDS ARE PRODUCTS OF OUR OWN ENVOIRMENT. I ALSO HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH MY STEPSON, THAT IS PROBABLY WHY HE CHOSE TO STAY HERE WITH MY SON AND I .
BYE FOR NOW . KB

HEIZMYSTRENGHT,I NEED TO REPLY BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU SAID IN LATEST POSTING,I LIVE MY WITH ALL MY HEART,WE MET 6 1/2 YEARS AGO,I WAS DIVORCED FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE WHEN I MET HER ON A BLIND DATE,I WAS HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER AND STILL AM.WHEN I WENT ON THE DATE I TOOK MY 2 KIDS WITH ME 11 AND 16 AT THE TIME. I THOUGHT THAT THIS IS ME A FATHER TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS IN AUG.
I SAW THINGS ALONG TIME AGO THAT DEALING WITH MY STEP DAUGHTER WAS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT,
MY WIFE HAS BEEN IN 3 COMMONLAW RELATIONSHIPS AND 2 MARRIAGE, I ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE ONLY BEEN IN TWO MARRIAGES ON 24 YEARS,I DID DATE CASUAL ONCE I WAS HEALED FROM MY PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. MY WIFE HAD ONLY BEEN BROCKEN UP FROM HER COMMONLAW HUSBAND FOR 6 MONTHS WHEN SHE WAS ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT MOVING IN TOGETHER.
EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THIS I STILL MOVED FOWARD,WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM FOR BETTER OR WORSE,GOOD WITH THE BAD,
BACK TO MY STEPDAUGHTER,THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN ISSUSES WITH HER AND I REMEBER MY WIFE BLOWING A GASKET WHEN SHE CAME HOME FROM WORK AND THE HOUSE BEING A WRITE OFF, DAUGHTER HAD BEEN SLEEPING ALL DAY ONLY WOKE TO EAT OR GO ON COMPUTOR.
THESE THINGS BOTHERED MY WIFE WHEN SHE WAS ON HER ONE AND WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER SOME HOW THEY NOW DON'T.
IHAVE TRIED FOR A LONG TIME TO REACH MY WIFE '
IT FEELS LIKE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN AND NO LIFE JACKET, NOT A BOAT TO BEEN SEEN FOR MILES.
MY STEP DAUGHTER CAN MANIPULATE HER MOM INTO ANYTHING,SEROUISLY, I HAVE FOUND OUT THAT SHE BASICALLY TALKED INTO MOVING INTO A APARTMENT.
MY MARRIAGE IS PROBABLY GOING TO END, IT IS A SHAME BECAUSE I LOVE MY WIFE VERY MUCH AND SHE FEELS THE SAME TOWARDS ME,WE HAVE OUR PROBLEMS NO DIFFERENT THEN ANY MARRIAGE, BUT THIS ONE A CAN'T SEE A RESOLVEMENT TO IT.
I NEED TO FOCUS ON ME AND THE REMAINING KIDS IN THE HOUSE,THERE IS NO POINT ME SHOWING MY WIFE HOW INAPPROPIATE HER DAUGHTER BEHAVES, THEY WILL BUMP HEADS BIG TIME,MY STEPDAUGHTER HAS ALREADY TOLD MY WIFE THAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE RULES SHE CAN MOVE I WITH A FRIEND.
MY STEPDAUGHTER HAS BROCKEN UP WITH HER LATEST BOYFRIEND OF OMLY 2 WEEKS AND 1 DAY LATER HAS STARTED DATING ANOTHER,FUNNY HOW SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HIS LAST NAME.
BYE FOR NOW.KB

I am actually young and don't have a blended family (only step kids) and the particular problems that you are having. I feel really bad that I don't have the experience or wisdom to help you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know that there are other members out there that are in situations like yours....where are you guys???