Here's my problem: my husband can't have sex with me. He can't get an erection at all. We've tried everything: counseling, changing his blood pressure medication, other ways of stimulation, weight loss, etc. I am very very frustrated because I have been faithful to him, and I have remained married to him and not out there commiting adultery or fornication. The Bible says not to have sex outside of marriage, and if
one must have sex to get married first. Well, I did get married, and I still can't have sex! Don't get me wrong, I love him very much, but I feel very, very cheated. And he tells me constantly that since he can't function, I better not find anyone to satisfy me because I, not him, would be the one that's wrong. It's bad enough that I have to deal with the usual things that a wife has to deal with from her husband, and it's bad enough that he's on disablility and doesn't work and I am the one that has to work(even though he could find an office job, but he doesn't want that type of job, so he just stays home on disability). But the thing that is bugging me is that I have not been able to have sex with him for over five years, and I don't know how much longer I can stay faithful. I thought about divorce, but that seems a bit drastic since he is a nice husband except in the sexual area. I thought about celibacy, which I have been doing, but it's not working because I have desires that won't stop, and the longer I go, the more often I have them. I thought about getting a maintenance man, but people say that is wrong, and I should just get used to the idea of being married and not having sex, because it is the "christian" thing to do.
So what do y'all think: Should I remain celibate and accept it, or get a divorce, or stay married and get a "maintenance man" in secret? Or any other ideas? Thanks.

It sounds like sex is not the only issue in your M. Just the one you've decided to focus on right now. I suspect your thoughts about divorce are not driven by the lack of sex alone. It sounds like you are not happy with other things in your M.

What if you stopped focusing on the erection problem? What if you decided to concentrate on the emotional part of your M? What if you each did the EN questionaire and worked through ending the LB's and meeting each other's ENs? Try it. Try it for a month.

Not having an erection does not mean you can't have sex. It doesn't mean you can't be sexual, it doesn't mean he can't be sexual. You just can't do one certain thing. Besides, most women don't orgasm through intercourse.

Actually, the lack of sex is the actual problem for me. Anything other problems I am able to handle and do handle without any issues or difficulty. And I actually do orgasm numerous times during intercourse. And the other substitutes for sex don't work for me, I have to have the real thing.

it's bad enough that he's on disablility and doesn't work and I am the one that has to work(even though he could find an office job, but he doesn't want that type of job, so he just stays home on disability).

I know you say you're handling the other stuff but are you handling it in a healthy way? I agree with IBc that it doesn't seem like it.

Have you tried to get marriage counselling?

also it sounds like he's doing a little bit of manipulation by saying you can't do this or that aobu the sex problem. are you both looking a solution that's good for both of you or are you just going crazy trying to solve it all yourself?