I am just wondering if anyone out there has gone through something similar and has any good advice for me...It's sort of a long story to explain what is going on, so please bear with me. Me and Dustin have been together for over 7 years, with a few separations, and were married for almost 4. We divorced last October, things had been going really badly for sometime and at the time we were unable to work through our problems, we continued to live together and then this May we decided to try and work things out again and get back together. We have had a very stormy past, Dustin became physically and emotionally abusive when we were married and there were endless incidents of angry outbursts on both of our parts...I had plenty of my own problems with dishonesty, and hiding from the truth, and just all the stuff that goes along with being so young...Now I am only 21 and Dustin is 23, when we were married I was 16 and he was 18. We have no children. Well when we got back together I made a decision that I was going to be honest, I had always been afraid of the consequences of this before, or of losing Dustin, and I know there are no excuses but I decided I wanted an honest relationship, I knew there was no hope of it lasting otherwise. So I admitted to Mud that before we had divorced I had a one night stand with his friend and 3rd cousin. I had been feeling very badly about this and at first he was remarkably understanding and still wanted to work on things. We got the his needs, her needs and love busters courses and read through the surviving an affair book together, and I know we were making some very promising progress. As I was filling out the personal history questionnaire and committed to being completely honest I thought if there was anything that Mud didn't' know. Years earlier, over 5, before we were married...we had been sort of separated, we lived in different states and were both having some pretty serious problems. Dustin started talking with a much older woman over the internet and soon after went to NC to be with her (and to avoid legal troubles) they had a romantic relationship for about a month. He lied to me about it at first and then came clean before he was getting ready to leave and come back to me. After I found out I was very distraught and I had a sexual encounter with a mutual friend, we did not actually have sex, but it was bad enough...luckily the friend stopped it before it went that far. I don't know why I was not honest before about that, especially when he had been off with this other woman, but I was scared of losing him and afraid of what would happen and didn't tell him. Well I thought of this when we were going through the history and I decided that I had to come clean, that if I was going to be completely honest I really had no other choice. SO I told him. At first he said that was a long time ago and I appreciate your honesty and I forgive you. NOt even a day later he was telling me all I am is a whore and that he doesn't want to work on anything and that i have lost him for good. I am heartbroken, I love Dustin more than anything in this world, and I know we can have a great relationship if we are both willing to put the time in. On one hand I believe he is serious and wants nothing to do with me and on the other hand he says things like "well you have a lot to prove...we'll just have to see what happens..." So I really don't know what to do but if anyone out there has any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I want so badly for things to work out and to have a chance to make up for mistakes I made when I was young and stupid. How do you prove to someone you are willing to change and that you are going to be honest, when they think every word coming out of your mouth is a lie? I feel like I am completely to blame for this and go in and out of feeling suicidal. Please, if you can help me I would most appreciate it.
grungrrrl@hotmail.com