My husband just told me that he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. He says that he loves me, and this is the only thing he has an issue with. He told me that when he looks at me, he doesn't want to have sex with me, but if I went to the gym more, and got a hot body, he would start to desire me again. We've only been married five months, and dated 6 years prior. I became mad because he never told me this before, and I haven't lost or gained weight since we met! I'm 5'8", 140 lbs, and I THOUGHT I looked fine, but apparently I'm not good enough. He thinks I should be grateful that he hasn't cheated on me yet! I think if he had told me this before we were married, I would have had some serious doubts about marrying such a superficial person. Am I justified to be angry about this? And should I try to get into better shape just so I can please him physically?

Yes you are justified to be angry with his hurtful comments. As far as getting in shape to please him, I would advice you against doing it for him and do it because it will make you feel good about yourself.

I know that what I'm about to say to you is not very MB advice but you should think very seriously about this man you married and ask yourself if you want to live in a sexless marriage for years and years to come. It is better that you get divorced now than to have an affair of your own later on and risk destroying your self esteem and self respect. The decision of course is yours.

Why would you divorce your husband b/c he does not like your body? Maybe toning and lifting dumbbells will harden your body. I'm surprised that my husband had not said anything to me and I exercise all the time and am careful in what I eat and we don't have much sex. He has physical problems and I don't push the subject b/c I love my husband. I asked my husband once what keeps a marriage together and he says, the Covenant binds us together. When nothing else on the face of this earth is working and you think it is over, it is the marriage covenant, (if you believe in it) that keeps you together and it usually passes whatever slump we were in. It holds true. Tested and tried. I asked him one time what is another word for wife? He quickly said, "Spouse." A lot of people would say, _itch! I'm so happy that we can work things out and it is not all about SEX. Our beauty will fade away and gravity will call some day. Covenant Love will always keep us together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sallyFLA02:
<strong> My husband just told me that he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. He says that he loves me, and this is the only thing he has an issue with. He told me that when he looks at me, he doesn't want to have sex with me, but if I went to the gym more, and got a hot body, he would start to desire me again. ... He thinks I should be grateful that he hasn't cheated on me yet! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What a cruel thing to say! To me, this is emotional cruelty, plain and simple.

Only you can decide what's best for you, but you have not been married very long, so I'd think hard about whether you can live with this attitude, and do it sooner, rather than later.

Thank you all that replied! Your thoughts were really helpful to me. I still have one question about it, if anyone wants to hear! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Before we got married, my husband and I agreed that an honest marriage is the best marriage. Is there such a thing as TOO much honesty? And if so, where's that line? (I'm sure it's a very fine, unclear one! But in my opinion, he crossed it.)

I'm new here but I just received my first newsletter from the MB website. It deals with radical honesty. What I got from it was that there is no such thing as too much honesty in a marriage but care should be taken in the way you convey information to your spouse. I think your husband should have found another way to tell you that he was no longer attracted to you. Maybe he could have suggested that you both join a gym or something along those lines.

Wrong. You should feel proud that he has enough faith in you and the strength of your marriage to be that honest with you. It may sound cruel, but it is better than the alternative.

Your hubby didn't cross any line! There was no line to cross! He was honest with you, and that honesty should be returned by telling him how you feel about his comments. Not in a mean way, but in a way that could help him learn what the "line" is and still feel comfortable telling you how he feels.

Hi SallyFla02,


I want you to know I can empathize with you more than you can beleive. I have been married for several years. I will tell you, I experienced the same type of selfeshness, I'm not sure what else to call it. My spouse was always concerned about my weight and how I looked. I am like you 5'8 I have weighed anywhere from 112lbs to 140 pounds during our marriage. During all of this he would say I didn't love him, I didn't respect him and if I did I would honor his wishes and look the best I could. The sad thing is I did. I never could understand why he didn't see it. I never could understand how he could say hurtful things. As a wife I always wanted to look my best for him. I always knew that was important to me and him.

The most tragic thing happened. As a result of years of this type of non acceptance. I found someone who would. I had an affair and was found out by my spouse lese than a year ago. I with regret found someone that did accept me. The sad truth is there are men in this world that will say anything. I

He was shocked and couldn't imagine why I would have done something like that. Among many other things, I told him he didn't accept me.. He didn't think I was attractive and wanted something else. This along with other issues he realized what he had done all of those years..

This is what he told me.. He always loved me and thought I was and am the most beautiful woman in the world, that no other stands above me. I was amazed at this. If that were true how could he be so cruel.. He continued to tell me he realized he was being selfish, because all he thought of was himself it didn't matter what I thought. He did not realize the pain he was causing me and asked for forgiveness for all the years of pain.

I certainly don't beleive the path I took was right one. I have more regret and pain from the destruction I brought on my family.

I guess what I am saying to you is, try and talk to your husband, I know he has to love you just the way you are, that this isn't about you it's about him...

I want all the best for you..I would never want, wish what I have done for anyone else..

Hi SallyFla02,


I want you to know I can empathize with you more than you can beleive. I have been married for several years. I will tell you, I experienced the same type of selfeshness, I'm not sure what else to call it. My spouse was always concerned about my weight and how I looked. I am like you 5'8 I have weighed anywhere from 112lbs to 140 pounds during our marriage. During all of this he would say I didn't love him, I didn't respect him and if I did I would honor his wishes and look the best I could. The sad thing is I did. I never could understand why he didn't see it. I never could understand how he could say hurtful things. As a wife I always wanted to look my best for him. I always knew that was important to me and him.

The most tragic thing happened. As a result of years of this type of non acceptance. I found someone who would. I had an affair and was found out by my spouse lese than a year ago. I with regret found someone that did accept me. The sad truth is there are men in this world that will say anything. I

He was shocked and couldn't imagine why I would have done something like that. Among many other things, I told him he didn't accept me.. He didn't think I was attractive and wanted something else. This along with other issues he realized what he had done all of those years..

This is what he told me.. He always loved me and thought I was and am the most beautiful woman in the world, that no other stands above me. I was amazed at this. If that were true how could he be so cruel.. He continued to tell me he realized he was being selfish, because all he thought of was himself it didn't matter what I thought. He did not realize the pain he was causing me and asked for forgiveness for all the years of pain.

I certainly don't beleive the path I took was right one. I have more regret and pain from the destruction I brought on my family.

I guess what I am saying to you is, try and talk to your husband, I know he has to love you just the way you are, that this isn't about you it's about him...

I want all the best for you..I would never want, wish what I have done for anyone else..

I am sorry your H is so cruel, I believe he is full of it. I would sincerely suspect him of cheating or planning on it, because as you pointed out you have not changed since you were married.

You have everyright to be angry! I know I would be furious! I would start checking up on him or just calling it quits if you want to! because your only 5months into this and already he is being so cruel. I have been with my H for 26 years and if I knew then what I know now I would have run for the hills.
I hope it works out for you. take care of yourself always! turetoyou