I have recently remarried my first husband. We were married the first time in 1999, divorced in 2003, married again Sept. 2004. While married the first time we merged our money and had lots of issues. The largest issues was while I was 2 months pregnant my husband lost his job and took a dramatically lower paying job, which required me to work my full time job while I was on medical disability. It was a terrible pregnacy and I felt it was wrong that I had to pay 75% of the bills, while I was pregnant, especially considering I was only responsible for 40% of the total debit. During that time I requested that my husband get a second job (or a better job) to pick up the stress from me and allow me to actually go on disability as my doctor requested. He never did and the entire experience was VERY stressful on me.

We had agreed that I would stay home for one year with our son, but my husband did not manage to do anything to better his income. I worked miracles, borrowing money, calling in favors and more to get time home with my son. We finally divorced when my son was 7 months.

Now our son is 2 years old. We are remarried and planning a second child. I have worked very hard to pay off my debit, so that I can afford to pay my bills on a part-time salary. My husband on the other hand just bought a new truck (40K)last month right before we got married and has MUCH more debit. I plan to work the next year and pay off all of my debit other than the shared debit for the home, food and utilites. Therefore I can get much more time with my 2 year old and can afford to stay home with the new born as long as I like.

THE PROBLEM
My husband want to merge incomes because we are married. Just 3 weeks ago he got another big pay cut and still had the large bills. I am afraid to put our money together as it will more than likely dramatically limit how much time "we" can afford for me to stay home with the kids. What should I do? What is fair? I feel like the same thing will happen again. It is not like he will get an extra job or a better job when the baby comes. I will spend the next year paying less on my bills and more on his and not be able to afford to stay home. HELP

Hi, I am currently married (and have been since 2/21/03). My husband and I have the same problem, except the roles are reversed.

My husband is very insistent upon keeping our monies seperate. My husband is very into saving all of his money up and not spending a dime unless it is needed to survive.

I on the other hand am the opposite. I spend spend spend and never have a dime to my name.

When my husband & I first moved in together he lost his job w/in a month. I found myself in your same position, charging up credit cards & borrowing money to pay rent and keep the lights on. I was also pregnant at the time.

My husband found a job by my 4th month pregnant and things got better.

To this day though we are still paying off the debt we accrued.

But that wasn't the end of our issues.

My husband gets really upset with me because he recently found out I opened an Old Navy account and I charged up the overdraft on our old checking account. Now I am in the predicament that I have charged all this and the debt payments are more than I can afford on my salary.

He is very resentful that he has to spend his hard earned money to pay off my debts.

I see where he is coming from, if I put myself in his shoes than I see how he feels.

I just have a problem, shall I say. I have a bad compulsion to spend money, whether I have it or not. I am not really quite sure how to stop it, but I am trying to.

In the beginning I was hurt that he was so insistent about keeping our money seperate, but I have come to accept it.