Once again, my H didn't show up on time. My oldest daughter said that even aside from the fact that he is sleeping with another woman, she can't stand him because he is only concerned about his own convenience. She can't understand why he is like this, and remembers well that he was not always this way. He may not have been perfect, but he was always willing to do things for the kids, no matter how inconvenient. <P>I wonder which comes first - how do they become so terribly selfish? Does having the affair somehow make them that way, or does becoming that way lead to the affair?

Good question Nellie. I must say that even though my marriaged survived and we're doing fine, I do find my H somewhat more selfish than what he was before the affair ( and even more while the affair was still on ). I wish I could answer, unfortunately I have no idea.My H wasn't particularly selfish before the affair, but the fact that he was ready to hurt everybody ( specially me and the kids )without giving it a thought, just to feel good himself shows a very selfish mode.Confusing hey? He's mostly back to normal now, but here and there he shows a selfish streak that wasn't there before.<BR>Kat

Hi Nellie,<P>Are you okay today? You sound just a tad bit better.<P>I think the selfishness comes from trying to justify the wrong????<P>

Good point, tnt! They're rationalizing, justifying, whatever you want to call it...<P>Nellie, the more I hear about your H the more frustrated I get for you.

Night before last, I dreamed he came back, and then I dreamed I got two job offers. It was such a disappointment to wake up and find out the dreams were dreams and the nightmare was true. This has been happening almost since he left. Then last night I had my first nightmare about him - I dreamed our daughter injured herself badly and I couldn't reach him at work or on his pager or at the OW's. The dogs woke me up from that dream barking frantically at something outside an open window - I couldn't see anything, but I hope it was four-footed, not two. The last thing I need is to have to worry about burglars, although I suppose they might find a 110 pound dog barking at them as they crawl through the window a bit of a deterrent.<P>

Do your dream mean that if husband was to come home, maybe by then you would realize you had more options than you thought? And that you also are afraid that your husband is getting so far away from you?<P>Kind of sounds like your subconscious is trying to decide something. Like trying to decide if you really want him, but also fear that you've lost all predictability in your relationship with your husband?

I have certainly lost all predictability when it comes to my H. And when it comes to life in general. I used to be a fairly optimistic person. Up until I started job hunting this time, there has only been a couple of times when I didn't get offered a job after having gotten an interview. Since my H left, I have applied for numerous jobs, had a number of interviews, and only 2 job offers and their hours would not work out for me as a single parent. Recently I was called back for a second interview, and was given the impression that I was almost definitely going to be offered the job. The hours were good, it paid well, sounded interesting, conveniently located - he said I would probably hear by the end of last week. He hasn't called, so that has probably fallen through too. My life has been going downhill steadily ever since my H talked me into giving up our jobs and going into business for ourselves six years ago, and even more so after I talked him into giving it up and going back to work in a "regular" job.