I have been receiving the newsletter for years now, but only joined the forum this morning.

Please help. My husband turns into a monster when he drinks too much. Granted, it does not happen often, and when it happens at home and we are alone, I don't mind so much. But when it happens when we are between friends, and he makes a complete [censored] of himself, then it becomes a problem. He would be overly friendly with me at first, and then, seeing that I am not responding to him, he will start a heated discussion with me in front of everyone. It is as if he will try to be as annoying as possible, and to do as much to irritate me as possible.
He said to me that he made a discision to have fun, and that I am a sourpuss.

What to do?????

Antionette

Hi Antionette ,

Get Out, the sooner the better. I was an abuser in what should have been a wonderful marriage. Your description of your husbands actions especially when he's drinking are some of the exact same things I did to my wife and it only gets progrssively worse. HE NEEDS HELP and so do you to realize what a wonderful person you are and how you have been unhappy.

Best of luck.

<small>[ October 25, 2004, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: HopeNdespair ]</small>

Antionette,

You are in a very serious situation. You have to do something about it now. As Hopendespair said, it only gets worse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How long has this been going on? Has he always mean a mean drunk? How long have you been together and do you have children?

Asking lots of questions because I have been and still are in the same type of marriage. My H has been this way (and progressively worse) for the past 10 years of our 20 together.

DOes he apologize the next day or does he act like nothing happened?

Al Anon can help you learn how to deal with this situation.
Keep posting...
Danneill

Antoinette,
Wow, you responded to one of my posts and your wording made me curious so I looked to see if you had written anything else and, yes, you really do know what I'm going through! It sounds as though your H and my H must have come from the same womb!

I could tell you what everyone else has and that's to get out, but I know how hard it is. I hope he has never gotten physical with you. Unfortunitally mine has. Not for a long time, but the sting never truly goes away. Now he tend to take his anger out on inanimate objects. Every one says it's a deflection and eventually it will be me that he hits again. Then they go to the question, "why do you stay?" Why do you? What does he make you feel? Does he make you feel good when he's not drinking? Have you every talked about him seeking help for his drinking? What does he contribute to your relationship? In the famous words of Janet Jackson "What Has he Done For You Lately?"
i know that these are all difficult and tiring questions to be faced with. Sometimes it is just helpful to talk about what your going through and know that you're not alone. Feel free to keep posting and asking questions. If he's open to it try some of the worksheets. It is amazing how we prioritize things differently.

Forst of all, because your husband turns into a monster when he drinks is a sign of alcoholism. He needs to get help to a 12 step program. What happens is that the ingredients in the alcohol changes the cells in his brain that changes his personality and that is why he acts the way he does. Also, since he is addicted he needs the alcohol more and more.

Most people will tell you to leave him. Since you love him, the first step is to talk to him to see if he will get help with Alcholic Anonymous. It is a 12 step program that works. He will never be able to drink again. It works if he will be loyal to the program. It will be tough and he will need all the support. If you have insurance that is great. If not, Medicare or Medicaid will cover the program.

I hope this helps!

Linda

Thank you for all the responses. I was overwhelmed with all the support out there, and most of you are going to call me a "wuss", but I can not just get up and go, even though it would be much easier for me to do so than for him. We have been together for 10 years, married the last 4, no children - his ex wife made him have a vasectomy, with an interruption of 1 year when he went back to his ex (for his son's sake - that's what he said).
He is a wonderful man - when he does not drink. And I have spoken to him about it once, got his parents involved and did all I could. He stopped drinking for 1 year. But he did not want to go out at all. He wanted to stay home. But we never fought, had a great sex life etc etc. Then I got too friendly with another man via e-mail, and he got hold of all the mails this man and myself was sending. That evening when I got home from work, he was drinking, saying I was the cause that he started drinking again. I will admit that I always thought that I was to blame for him starting again, even though I did not physically have an affair with another man. I suppose nobody is perfect.
Our situation is so complicated I do not know if I can do this in one post.
Thanks for all the support out there.

Antionette