Hi,
Currently on the brink of divorce. Spouse says only reason she is staying is because she can't afford to leave. Because I sent money to children from another marriage yrs ago she has decided not to do finances with me anymore. I have decided to open savings acct for freshman daughter in high school but wife disagrees. She tells me about expenses she spends on her daughter, and assumes that is approval. Don't see where I am responsible to her in any way financially since we do not coordinate anything beyond the household bills which I pay about 80% of. She makes about 10% less than I do. Bottom line for me is how do I get my relationship back on track. I read about mutual agreement, and am willing to go that way, but already know that wife does not care about my children. Does not want them to visit, does not interface with them. Her daughter who lives with us is her focus. The daughter and I sort of get along, but I work on our relationship, and am more than willing to work more.

Wow! Your recent wife needs to understand that your children and hers are part of the family. If you are Christians, you need to pray that she understands that God is first, your relationship is second, all children second and so on. If she still doesn't get it, then you need to agree to attend counseling. Counselors are not bias to either of you all and tend to be logical. Remember you may have to jump to several counselors until you find the right one that matches your values and beliefs. Your wife needs to understand that marriage is forever and you need to come to an agreement together. She sounds somewhat selfish. Its not about her child. It's about both of your children. OK.

I hope this helps.

Hi there

I am also in a marriage where there are other kids involved, I do not have my own, but my husband has a son from a previous marriage. The only think that I have to say is that if one spouse does not recognize the fact that you are now one "combined" family, there will be trouble until you resolve the issue.
Her not wanting your kids to come and visit is not on!!! Your kids are a part of who you are, and you are not going to love your current wife and her kids less if she accepts your kids. Don't let her dictate you regarding your kids, in the end when you are 80 they might be all that's left in your world!
Antionette

Thanks for responses. We have tried counseling, but she refused to go after a few sessions. with a counselor. We tried with our Pastor, but have not gotten anywhere with that also. She may agree if I ask again, and I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking again. We are both christians, but she says I place my family and children over her, so she is protecting her own interests. She believes that I will support my children and family members before I will support her. She makes close to $90,000 per year, but if she quit her job, I make enough to provide still for us comfortably $90,000. She asks why I don't leave, and my response is I love her, and I belivew what the bible says about marriage (God hates divorce). If he can perform miracles, raise the dead, heal the sick, and change the lives of people who have been murderers, drug addicts, etc, he can fix our marriage also.
To clarify on the visitation, we have a Thanksgiving event coming up, and she has refused to go with me. I recommended I stay home with her and have my children come in, and she says no to that also. I was deployed overseas for several months, and am just picking up on visitation. My children have not been my homein over a year. I know to fix this will take time. I need to find the best way to at least get on track to fixing it instead of letting it get worse