Please, could you share with us what goes through your mind when you become so angry with your wife?

I wondered if past problems just seem magnified? or is the way you feel about her real when you are drinking?

Do you believe that a drunk man's mouth is a sober man's mind?
My H does. WHen he drinks his anger is directed at me. I am to blame for all his problems.
Why does alcohol do this to the best of people?

And why do they think that it (the hurt) disappears the next day? My H acts as if nothing has happened although I know he remembers.

Danneill

Alcholism is one of the major illnesses in the world today. Alcohol changes the brain chemistry. That is why your husband's personality changes. It took several years of alcohol drinking to change the brain chemistry. The mood changes from nice to angry. People tend to drink constant to supress problems which is an unhealthy way of dealing with problems. The best way to talk about it and be patient. Unfortunately, men tend to supress emotional feelings. It's not the wife's fault. It is because the wife is present. No, I do not agree that that a drunk man's mouth is a sober man's mind. A drunk man may be angry about past problems with childhood but not with the wife. The reason your husband's anger is directed at you is because you are currently present. If he wasn't married to you, he would direct it at someone else. Do not blame yourself and become a victim. Alcohol is not prejudice. As mentioned previous, when consumed consistently for several years, it break downs the brain cells and changes the brain chemistry. The alcohol numbs the hurt. When they sleep it off, they forget what occured. That's it. It's a temporary solution to problems. They keep on doing the same thing over and over. It is not a healthy way to solve problems. In there past though, your husband was not taught to deal with problems in a healthy matter.

The first step is get your huband in a 12 step program to solve his alcoholism. Then you and your entire family needs to attend counseling. Everyone is affected and needs to be solved before your children become alcoholism or worse (abusers or drug users). You don't want that. Check the internet for Alcoholic Anonymous for your husband and then go from there.

I hope this help.

Linda

Danneill,Danneill,Danneill

Why do we do the things we do and ruin what should be a wonderful part of our lives.

I do feel your pain, but pray what comes later may never be as bad as what W and me are going through these days.

I'd answer Yes & No to your question drunk mans mouth sober mans mind. Your WH has some serious issue with YOU, and he's not addressing them, he spouts his venom in the comfort of his stupor only to deny, minimize and or blame you the next day. You have to take control. Give him and ultimatim, Get Out, Come to Canada. Remember the wonderful person you were before all this BS, AND JUST DO IT!!!.

And then my dear when he recants, just as I have, pray for strength to forgive, forget and trust again.

I wish you luck.

HopeNDespair
(Living in hope that my marriage will survive but may just .....in Despair)