My wife and I have been married for almost a year and a half. We just had a huge fight tonight and she is currently in a hotel for the night. The main reason we were fighting is because I don't know how to show my love and affection and she feels ignored and she feels most of the time like I don't love her. The thing is though, I DO love her. I love her so much it hurts. I think about her all day and about how lucky I am to have her as my wife.

Some background information: For a few years I had a sexual addiction to online porn. It started when I was 18 or 19, and then continued even after I met the girl who I ended up marrying. She found out a few times before we got married that I was going online and looking at porn and every time she threatened to break up with me. Then I finally convinced her that I had stopped, when in reality I had only found a better way to conceal my addiction. We got married, and then 6 months in she found out that I had never really kicked my addiction, and she threatened to divorce me. That’s when I made the decision that I was done with porn. If she left me or not, I was wasting my life away and I knew if I didn’t just QUIT I’d end up alone for a very long time. I even visited with a physiatrist who specializes in sexual addiction, and after visiting with him I knew with even more conviction I was the only one who could make me stop the porn. Well, it’s been 10 months and I have been 100% clean of porn ever since she found me out 6 months into our marriage. I’ve thought ever since she decided not to leave me last December that I’m absolutely the luckiest guy in the world to still have this amazing woman as my wife.

But, like how I started this out… I seem to have a problem showing her how I feel. If she saw how I feel on the inside she’d just KNOW how much I love her and how much I care for her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. When she started yelling tonight she was absolutely furious, saying she shouldn’t have to put up with this mental abuse, and slamming her fists and she actually kicked a hole in the wall.

At the time I decided to stop with the porn I made the decision I was going to make something out of my life and use my time more wisely. I’m a musician so I decided I’d pour myself into that, and I have, I’ve done more with music in the last year than I had done in the last 7 years prior to this. But the thing is, I get so incredibly wrapped up in my hobby that a lot of time I end up ignoring my wife. I know all this, and if I thought it was THIS big of a problem I would have made an attempt to lessen the amount of time I was spending on the music. She has said things like, “When we have kids I want you to keep doing your music, I don’t want you to lose who you are.” And this made me think that she was fine with the amount of time I was spending isolated from her.

The thing is, I see where she’s coming from with saying I ignore her, and I definitely can adjust how much time I work alone on my music. But my biggest thing now is, I do know I have a problem showing my love for her on the outside. I think some of it has to do with growing up in a family that somewhere along the line stopped showing love for one another. So I know I need to show my love more.

My big question is: Can we fix this? Everything I’ve read online so far says that, yes you can fix it. But how do we go about doing it? I mean, tomorrow morning I have to call her and see if she wants to come back home or go live with her mom for a while. This is devastating… I really love her so much and I can’t stand the thought of her not being here with me to share life with me.

Can anyone offer some words of advice? I’m lost.

Love is shown in many ways, I think this quotes it best
1 Cor 13:4
Love suffers long and is kind,love does not envy,love does not parade itself,is not puffed up.
Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked,thinks no evil.Love does not rejoice in iniqity,but rejoices in the truth.Love bears all things, Love beieves all things,Love hopes all things, Love endures all things.

Seems to me there are issues you both have that need addressing, good luck

I am female and I am going through the same problem with my husband, except he has not stopped (porn). He says he has quit but I still find evidence around the house. The problem here is that he does not want to stop. Atleast you are fighting to keep your soul mate. Sounds like you need to start re-dating your wife, and still make time for the music. Get her involded in the
things that you like to do, and if extreme measures are needed to prove to her that you love her disconnect the internet, OR parental control or spam blockers, Women need assurance that they are not competeing with a bunch of "for entainment purposes only" women, you know the fake ones!!! Good Luck!