I am a 32 years old female married to a 58 years old male for now almost ten years. I was pregnant when I met him and we did not marry until my son was 18 months old. We started dating when my son was 3 weeks. I was scared and alone at the time and without any family support or help. My son's biological father who was emotionally and physically abusive left the scene when I was 6 weeks pregnant. My husband was 48 years old when we met and two years dry from being an alcoholic and he had just spent one year in his house from a cycling accident-he was very lonely and scared of growing old.
My son is now 10years old and I have two daughters with my husband ages 7yrs and 6yrs.
For as long as I can remember my husband and I have had problems with communication and intimacy. Sexually things were the pits. Same old positions and I am always the one on top and initiating it. He will not perform oral ever. My needs were not met. Financially things have been tight and he spends many hours at work and any days off he is gone 6 hours a day sometimes on the bike. He keeps talking about buying a new bike even though he has three. He has a dresserful of bike jerseys and pants. Our conversations are really boring. I am a homeschool mom and I stay home full time with the kids. My oldest also has special needs. He only talks about bikes, airplanes, cars etc. And he is often very very tired after work. So he comes home and goes right to sleep.
Several times there have been moments when I came close to being close to another man. But it only came recently. It happened to be a single father of two teenage boys who hang out with my kids and they live in our condo complex. He works at home and so he is often very very available to just talk. He did have a girlfriend but they broke up. We were "friends" until the last few weeks. We have been "together" a few times and I have been torn up about the whole thing. We clicked on many levels but we are way too passionate and get into way too many arguments. We have both decided to end things because it just wasn't healthy for ourselves and our families as they have all been intertwined and that he was getting back together with his girlfriend. After a day of playing with each other, in the evening our families including my husband would get together and watch movies and have dinner together. Or even worse my husband would walk me over to his house in the evening so I can stay there with the kids so he could sleep without us making any noise and bothering him. At times my husband has even asked him to come over and keep me company while he ran errands with my kids when I had surgery recently.
I have been honest to my husband in terms of how unhappy I have been in the marriage and how I need to have sex with him and that I need him home. But nothing changes. I even told him recently that I need him home more and more available because I am being tempted. In fact one time I told him that if he can;t meet my needs I will try and get it elsewhere. His response was "Sorry I can't do anything about it. I am too tired. We need the overtime. Wait until I retire. Or I need to exercise or else I will die early. " I have spent way too many nights starring at the ceiling and listening to him turned over and snoring. It is a very lonely existence.
I have been on the marriage builders site a year ago or so and printed out the forms to fill out but my husband just wasnt really into it and kept putting it all down. Sort of like what is the point of this. How silly kind of thing.
So what do I do now. I am making moves to cut all ties with this single father however painful it will be for the kids as they were their best friends. We had a deal going. I was doing their laundry as they didn't have a laundry machine and he would send one of his sons down in the morning to walk the dogs. I am stopping that now.
When should I tell my husband? I was planning to tell him as soon as one of us moves out of the complex. It is literally hard to avoid each other because he has to pass by my house in order to get groceries etc. Also my husband carried a gun as part of his career. I am concerned for everyone's safety. I want to move as soon as possible but it is not possible right now. I don;t know when they will be moving but I am hoping soon. I know that seeing at all-will just add to the pain and loss of what kind of relationship I could have.
Please I need advice and help.