Sorry everybody. Sunday nites are the worst and I don't know why. That's when I start thinking about all the things I don't understand - and I start beating myself up, blaming myself for whatever I did whenever, if you know what I mean.<P>He left 8/5. The month before was hell for both of us. Days when he hated me, days when he said he couldn't live w/out me, most days contained a lot of both. The day before he left was my birthday and he bought my card the same day. It was warm, loving and romantic and in it he wrote that I was the most wonderful person he had ever known, a terrific wife and he would love me forever. But the whole nite he was distant and quiet. The next night he called to say he could never come home again. He came to get a few things and cried and said that being my husband and K's dad were the greatest blessings he had ever been given. Nothing else in his life would ever compare and he wished he hadn't made such a mess of things. Then he held me, said he loved me more than anything and sat on the floor the rest of the night. He apologized later for not saying goodbye - said he couldn't bear to say goodbye to me. <P>He's called and come by twice since then. Both visits were good. We laughed and talked. I didn't talk about anything serious. No lovebusters, very comfortable. I wanted him to feel safe.And as he hugged me to leave, he pulled me into his chest, laid his head on mine and I thought he'd never let me go. The last time he even mentioned thinking about coming home. He has taken very few of his things - not even many of his clothes. His family says he's calmer, but not happy. He's started officially dating the girl he became friends w/ talking during lunch, that he thought he was falling in love w/, but his family says there's nothing there. No warmth, no love, no peace. If he talks about us, he cries. I f they mention us, he goes quiet and looks like he'll fall apart. MIL insists he loves only me. SIL says it's apparent to all he wants me and daughter but SOMETHING is preventing him from coming home and working whatever happened out. They can't find out what it is yet.<P>But still he doesn't call. After 10 years, he never calls to see how we're doing, not even to check on daughter. It's hard to show him I understand - whatever it is - when I can't even talk w/ him. I depend on reports during the week from my MIL. I pray every nite that God will give me strength and patience and that He will guide my H and help him find himself and relieve the pain he's feeling, for whatever reason he's feeling it - with or without me. But I miss him. He wasn't mean or cruel - not until the last month and then he was tortured and exhausted. <P>I'm lonely, lonelier than I ever thought I could be. I know time will help, and I suppose it will, but I hate not knowing ANYTHING. I hate not being able to help the man who was so strong for me and helped me through so many tragedies in my life. I hate the fact that he's throwing everything away and I don't know exactly why. <P>Sorry again, guys. Tired of crying alone, I guess. I need to do something and there's nothing I can do.<P>Lori

Oh Lori my heart aches for you!! It sounds like he is in so much pain, so torn between two people. Don't rely too much on the MIL for reports, she probably wants a reconciliation and will lean that direction. Not that she's lying, just that you shouldn't let her comments direct your emotions too much.<P>He still loves you, he just isn't sure what he thinks I'm guessing.<P>Please remember that GOD hates divorce ,and he loves marriages, and will do exactly what He knows will benefit everyone involved. Believe wholeheartedly that even if God closes this door (which for some reason I don't feel He will) he always and I mean ALWAYS opens a window.<P>My prayers and support are with you<P>Tracy<P>------------------<BR>"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

lostva -- Our stories are very different, but there is one major similarity from the story you just told.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm lonely, lonelier than I ever thought I could be. I know time will help, and I suppose it will, but I hate not knowing ANYTHING. I hate not being able to help the man who was so strong for me and helped me through so many tragedies in my life. I hate the fact that he's throwing everything away and I don't know exactly why.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>When my W walked out on me, and during almost the entire time we were seperated, this is EXACTLY how I felt.<P>I can't really offer you any advice, but I wanted to you know that there are others who have felt what you are feeling now. I hope things will get better for you.<P>God Bless

Thanks, Sad4now. I appreciate your support. Actually MIL was in favor of H being happy and closer to home (he is now - about an hour from me) at first and even invited Sweetie over a few times. She's changed her mind after seeing them together and talking several times a week w/ him. But now, she IS prejudiced toward me - plotting actually. I've always loved that saying - and I'm praying for that window. I keep hoping that - well, he was so exhausted and grieving - maybe the being away and resting will help him clear his mind. I guess there's a bright spot. His best friend got the word to me (through his family) that H told him he COULDN'T bring himself to sleep w/ her. Maybe he IS letting God guide him, even though he said before he left he wasn't sure he believed anymore. <P>ES - I'm very familiar w/ your story, been following your posts for a month or so now. You've demonstrated a lot more courage than I think I have. We'll see. I'm learning every day... Thank you.<P>Not very good w/ words tonight. Thank you all so much though. It's not a good night to feel alone and it helps so much to know I DO have someone to turn to.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>-Lori

Lori-<BR>Oh, sweetie, I feel so bad for you. I wish I could reach through and give you a huge hug. We could cry together. <BR>I know how you feel. Remember, those are cleansing tears you are shedding. <BR>God does love you, Lori. He loves us all. I know that most of us here do not know what will happen in our lives, but He is in control. He wants us to lean as close to Him as we can. He wants to give us strength and patience. He will show you the way when the time is right.<BR>I feel your pain, I really do. Your H is very confused. I'm sure he does love you, but until he can figure out what is holding him back from you and Kristin, he can't come home.<BR>Be strong my friend. You have become very special to me and I'm here if you need me. E-mail whenever you need to.<BR>Love you,<BR>Cheryl

I'm so sorry.I don't really know what to say,I wish there was something that I could remember that would make you feel better, but all that comes to mind is that I feel so sad realizing that many times things only seem to get worse.<BR>The birthday strikes a note with me too, maybe because those days as unimportant as we try to make them always carry so many expectatives. On my birthday last year I though everything was better. We had started counseling and there seem to be less pagings from her. The week and specially the day before my birthday had been great and I was starting to feel that there was hope. However on my birthday he got home at 5 a.m. She left him one last page at 3:30a.m. which I heard even before he did ( I had developed a sixth sense regarding that and would check his voice messages sometimes minutes after they had been sent). It hurt me so much!It had to be on that day!<BR>But this is not about me.<BR>Please remember to do things that you enjoy, if you like to read, get a couple of good books, anything that helps take your mind off what's going on and that helps you feel better. GO to the hairdresser, get a new haircut, or buy a new dress.Get involved in something that you enjoy. Go swimming ( I found it very relaxing ), or ride a bike. Think about yourself for a bit. I know you would like to help him, I know you need to know what's happening and you, but start by thinking about yourself for a bit. His problems, he will have to deal with them himself. It's probably a very confusing time for him too, but at this point you can't help him,he has to help himself, since this is his choice.<BR>Please take care of yourself<BR>Kat

lostva -- Thank you. I have ver seriously wondered whether anyone gave a hoot about the problems my W and I are trying to work through. There is one thing that I would like to ask though . . .<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You've demonstrated a lot more courage than I think I have.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I really don't know if it is courage or cowardess. There have been so many times through all of this when I felt that I had only two options. The one I chose, or to give up and die.<P>I just don't know if that is really courage.<P>God Bless

ceecee - glad to hear from you. Just finished yelling on YOUR thread. (I like yelling about your H - gets my mind off of mine!!!) I feel like such a wimp! And I'm scared to hope. I don't want to be disappointed. You know me, I'm hanging in. I get so disgusted though. All week, I say, thank heavens the weekend's almost here, like always - but now I HATE the weekends. I'm trying to be strong - I guess I do ok. Taking care of Kristin, everything I should. AND, I'm out of wine!<P>Thanks, Kat1. It's good to hear from all those who've "been there". I'm atleast handling the things I SHOULD handle now. Now I know I've got to get re-acquainted w/ the things I USED to love. I can't seem to get motivated. I haven't worked in my shop, painted, fall asleep reading - although sleep's probably not a bad thing! Thanks for the encouragement. I'll do better during the week, I think. <P>ES - we care. I don't give a lot of advice. Too new at this, too unsure, I guess. Not sure of much of anything, especially myself and my judgement. And at one point, even though people here were being so nice, the paranoia and lack of confidence set in (hard) and I thought I wasn't liked here, so I stopped posting quite as much and just sat and stewed! But I kept up w/ everybody. Kinda like family, you know. You HAVE been working hard and you have had courage. It shows. <P>Lori

Dear Lori,<P>Your post really touches my heart. I know how you feel. It just seems like you can't do another day of this, but that day comes and finally you got through it. I know, you got through it with lots of pain, but you came through.<P>You know, you are very blessed to have the faith that you have. It gives you a hope, and confidence that all things will work out for good - for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purposes... (Romans 8:28)<P>Be strong in the Lord right now. Know that God is on the side of restoring your marriage, because he hates divorce. Keep praying constantly for your husband. God will send his angels and the laborers in the field to him, unbeknownst to him. And God will work on his heart.<P>As your husband faces the truth that God speaks so softly in his spirit, he will react. As he reacts, and waffles, and battles with that truth, you will know it. Times will be tougher for you during those times, but instead of looking at the negative, realize that God is working on him and he's a strong willed person, and God has to work hard. <P>Sometimes they fight the hardest when they hear the truth in their spirit the loudest. The truth hurts. But realize, as this happens - that there is a force working on him, behind the scenes - and the breakthrough is around the corner. Hang on to this. It will get you through.<P>Also, remember God inhabits the praises of his people. As hard as it is sometimes, the lowest times - sing a song of praise. My favorite is "I am trusting, thee Lord Jesus, trusting only you...." Usually I have the biggest tears as I sing this. But there is a peace that comes - and I know it is God with me.<P>Be still and know that God cares.<P>Connie

Lori, I know how you feel about weekends, they seem so long. I stay away from home as much as possible so I'm not faced with the memories of our life here together. I just dread the thought of winter. I don't know what to say, I really think that there is a purpose for this terrible pain that we go through. I'm hoping that in the long run it will make me a much stronger person. I've decided for myself that I need to just put him out of my mind as much as possible and concentrate on me and the kids and making a good life for us. He talked to the kids last night then wanted to talk to me, he sounded really down and lonely. It kind of bothers me but hey he did this to himself and I have to quit worrying about him. <P>Did you read that article on mid-life crisis that I told you to read? It may explain his actions. It really helped me understand my H actions although I feel there is no excuse for letting it go this far. <P><BR>The web site it is on is www.friends-lovers.com go to the mid-life crisis page. <P>I wish I could reach through and give you a hug.<P>Jill

Thank you so much, everybody.<P>tnt - you always seem to know what to say. I'm gonna say something here that I never thought I'd say, but I'm almost praying out of habit these days. I don't know, there have been a lot of bad times in my life and I've never really felt alone, I always knew that I'd come through. This has felt so very different. Often it almost feels like my prayers aren't even leaving the room. I don't understand it. I know in my heart it's not true, but I can't stop the feeling, not yet, anyway.<P>Hi, Crazy. I read the article and it scared me to death. Almost left me w/ a "no hope" kinda feeling. Although, lately,I've kinda felt that way anyway. Wish I could think of something to do to stay busy on the weekends - besides clean and do laundry, I mean.<P>Well, I'm cheating at work here and I've GOT to get something done so that I can go home and tie down for Hurricane Dennis. Thanks for everything you guys. Talk to you later as long as we have power.<P>Lori